Angel of Death
by DD Agent
Summary: While visiting Decker, Jenny tells Gibbs about her illness. However his determination to make her fight ruins their relationship. Stuck in hospital after being shot, Jenny must confront her own demons, and those that linger around the halls of Bethesda.
1. Chapter 1

**Angel of Death by DD Agent**

_I do not own NCIS or any of its characters, or its settings - all belongs to the lovely folks at CBS_

_Spoilers for the end of season five; warning for smut, angst and Will Decker in a Hawaiian shirt. _

__Semper Fi_ has hit a bit of a snag, but I already have Chapter Two written of this fic so its coming off quite well! Hope you enjoy!_

**Chapter One**

It had been a month since he had accused her of killing Rene Benoit and it had been a month since she had decided to take a leave of absence. So, as Leroy Jethro Gibbs stepped inside the cool office, he was surprised to see Jenny Shepard staring out of the window, watching as the rain hammered the glass. She looked thinner, which was saying something as she had been pretty thin before she had left. It was obviously to do with the illness she had, the illness she would tell him nothing about.

"Welcome back, Director."

She looked from the window to see him standing in her doorway. Her eyes grew soft for a moment before she realised that what had occurred between them before she had left would be staying with them for quite some time.

"It's good to be back." Jenny slipped behind her desk and sat in her chair. She gestured for him to sit opposite. He just stood, watching her. Deciding that she was getting nowhere being polite, Jenny shifted in her chair. "In a couple of days I'm heading out to LA to see the new field office, see how they're getting on. I need a security detail."

He nodded. "Take Tony and Ziva. They'll be a great security detail."

Jenny shook her head, standing up to move closer to him. She perched on the desk, looking at him. "I was thinking about you and McGee."

"No."

He went to walk out, and Jenny walked the few steps to rest a hand on his elbow. He jerked out of her touch like he had been burnt. He turned on her, the eyes she loved turning to ice.

"I've been asked out to dinner while I'm in LA."

Gibbs snorted. "You expect me to be jealous, Director?"

Jenny resisted the urge to slap him. Instead, he moved out of her grip and headed towards the door. She managed to reply just as his hand pulled down the door handle. "Will has invited me and you out for dinner." He turned around. If he was a normal man, he would have looked embarrassed. But Leroy Jethro Gibbs had never been a normal man, and that was why she still - "I said yes to me going, I said I would ask you. We haven't seen him in some time; I thought it would be nice to see an old face."

Jethro nodded, smiling at the assault of memories of him, Jenny and Decker. It would be good to see him, catch up. Of course he would be spending time with Jenny, and his feelings for her ranged from worry to anger to love on a minute by minute basis. Jethro realised above all that he needed to sit down and talk with her, honestly, and this was the perfect time to do it.

"I'll tell McGee. Just don't do what you did the last time you, me and Deck went out to dinner. I don't think spending the early hours of the morning trying to get vodka out of your ear is a good use of my time, Jen."

Jenny grinned as he walked out. She was anxious about the trip, but hopeful that she could repair her relationship with Jethro. Hearing his footsteps walk away; she closed the door and popped a few pills, wincing at the bitter taste.

X

Neither Ziva nor Tony was talking to him. The Director had personally chosen him and Gibbs to be her detail while she went to Los Angeles, and McGee was facing the wrath of his fellow agents. Even Abby was annoyed that he was going, but he didn't think it was for the same reason.

No one would say anything to Gibbs about the trip as he did some last minute paperwork, a duffel bag by his feet. They were going for a two day trip, leaving that evening and arriving early in LA the next morning. The only night they would spend in LA, McGee would be told to get some sleep while he and the Director headed out to meet Will Decker. There would only be one night where he would have to sleep in the room next to Jenny Shepard, and that was just enough time to keep his feelings about her and her illness in check.

The elevator came down and one of the Director's permanent detail dragged out her luggage. Gibbs couldn't help but laugh when everyone realised that McGee's luggage outweighed the Directors - incredible considering her taste in shoes. He remembered her once saying that one day she would go on a trip where all she had to bring was high heels and lingerie. Rolling her over in bed that day, he promised she would get that trip. Two weeks later she had left him.

"Well gentleman, shall we leave?"

The Director looked lovely, professional in her business suit. She had almost done away with those as she had become more settled into being Director, opting for more casual attire. Gibbs preferred her in the jumpers she wore; they were more like the Jenny he knew rather than the Director he was currently at odds with.

"Yes ma'am."

Gibbs swept past her, picking up his duffel bag and heading towards the elevator. Ziva frowned at the disregard of the Director, but one of her detail took her suitcase to the elevator for her. Jenny followed in good time, a hand resting on her handbag and the other lingering on the top of her leg. As she headed to meet Gibbs, Tony waited until they were inside the elevator before turning to Ziva and McGee.

"I've changed my mind, McGoo. Have fun in LA."

"What, what?" McGee asked, wondering why the sudden change in Tony's attitude. He grew even more alarmed when Ziva burst out laughing. He turned to the Mossad officer. "What?"

Ziva grinned. "You are going to be stuck on a plane, and then on a two day trip with the Director, and Gibbs. Now, if it had been a year ago it would have been a little frosty but this is…"

"I'd pack an ice pick," Tony finished for her, grinning like a monkey.

McGee took his suitcase and started hurrying after the elevator, suddenly hating the prospect of the trip. As the elevator went down, Ziva and Tony waved him good bye. She turned to her partner.

"Should he have packed an ice pick?"

Tony sighed. "No, Jenny would probably use it to kill Gibbs. Let's hope things go down the traditional romantic comedy route and they end up getting drunk and having sex and then things become all awkward before a beautiful wedding in the place they first declared their love."

It was Ziva's turn to sigh. "I worry about you, Tony."

X

McGee had sat next to Gibbs on the plane with Jenny sitting by the window on the other side. She had been staring out into space for most of the flight, dozing a little. When McGee had eventually fallen asleep, Gibbs watched Jenny for a while. She seemed peaceful, looked beautiful. It had been a minor obsession of his, watching her sleep. Her mind had always been busy; she had always been searching for something. When she slept, apart from nightmares, she had finally been at peace.

After a while watching her, when he was definitely sure she was asleep, he took her bag from the luggage holder above her seat and went through it, trying to find an answer to alleviate at least one of his feelings about her. Normal feminine things were included in her bag, including to his amusement a spare pair of shoes and underwear. Then he found her bottle of pills - steroids. As he rubbed the label with his thumb, he noted that the soft hum of Jenny's breathing had stopped. He looked to his left to see his former lover staring at him with tears in her eyes.

He presented the pill bottle. "Something you want to tell me Jenny?"

McGee had started to wake at Gibb's barked tone and sat up, wondering what was going on. Jenny picked herself up from the chair and turned to her agent. "Agent McGee, go to the bathroom. Now."

He groaned. "Yes ma'am."

They had the first class section of the plane to themselves, and with McGee gone and the flight attendants out of the way, it was just them and the conversation they had to have. Jenny walked over to him and ripped the pill bottle out of his hands, stuffing it in her bag with the rest of the things he had removed.

"You have no right."

"We going to talk about this?" Jethro asked, glaring at her.

Jenny shook her head. "This is most definitely _not _the time to be having this conversation!"

Jethro stood up and took Jenny's bag from her. He then placed her in her seat and knelt down; putting his knees either side of hers. His hands pressed down on her thighs.

"We're in a plane, you can't run. _Tell me what is going on."_

Jenny looked at him, brushing her arms over one another. "It doesn't matter, Jethro."

He moved from his position and sat on the floor next to her. She was free to get up and leave, but neither of them wanted her to. Jethro put a hand on her knee, not sure what he should do. He was angry with her, angry that she hadn't come to him about shooting Rene Benoit, that she thought she could handle everything on her own. He was angry at himself for pushing her away, although she hadn't exactly fought for their relationship either. Things had started off so positively before he had left, and then when he returned it had never been the same. When you confront your own feelings and run away from them, it _was _going to be hard.

But, for the first time, he was tired of one of them running away from the other. They needed to talk before they lost the last strand of the relationship they had.

"You're dying?" he asked, hoping she told him not to be so dramatic. But she just nodded and rested a hand on his own, the truth finally coming out.

"Muscular Dystrophy," she choked, hating that this was the way she was telling him. "Hence the steroids."

He didn't want to know how long she had left, he didn't want a clock ticking over their lives and it didn't look like she wanted to tell him either. So he just reached up and linked their fingers. A thought came to him. "There any cures?"

"A couple of experimental treatments are being tested."

The blasé way she presented the information made him frown. "Well why aren't you first in line for 'em?" His voice grew rougher. "Have you even looked at the information, talked to a doctor to see whether it could help, even cure you?"

Jenny shook her head. She saw her former lover's eyes grow storm dark, and she stood up from her chair, trying to increase the distance between them. "Before you saying anything I'm being completely selfless here. Those trials should be used by people who have people to love them and take care of them. Me…I have no children, no family, not even someone who I go to for casual sex."

The curtain opened at that point, and Gibbs didn't even look as he stood up to continue their conversation. "McGee, go back to the bathroom."

"Yes boss."

Jenny turned around to face him. She seemed so clear, like she had spent a long time thinking about it, trying to prove to herself that she wasn't worthy of fighting. "NCIS can live on without me; it's not exactly like I've done anything brilliant with my term as Director. And can you honestly tell me that anyone would be better off with me in their lives, Jethro? I'm not talking 'will miss me when I'm gone'; I'm talking make things better for them with me here. Because I can't think of anyone."

She had made up her mind, and there would be no changing it. He could declare his love, kiss her for the rest of the flight but he knew that once she had decided something, no matter how much it hurt, she would go through with it.

X

Because of his relationship with one Lara Macy, Gibbs had spent most of the time they were at the LA branch of NCIS outside, talking to Abby on the phone. She wanted to know everything that was going on, making sure everything was okay. She continued to ask the same questions over and over again, possibly because the tone of his voice wasn't too happy. But he wasn't happy, and he didn't know how to deal with the shocking blow that Jenny was dying.

His anger at her had been replaced by fear; fear that every last word would be their last, every touch would be his final moment with her. Rene Benoit was a footnote, like Pedro Hernandez was in his life. The past was forgotten, as the present slowly slipped away. There was no future.

Looking over at Gibbs in the car back to the hotel, Jenny could see exactly what he was thinking, and she wished he would just stop. The day had gone well, McGee enjoying his time observing all the technology at the OSP, and Jenny enjoying seeing other agents. There was some stand out ones. She had even seen Callen again, who she hadn't seen since Serbia so many years ago. He had given her a brief smile, but their contact was short. Everything about Europe was a life time ago, and she wanted it to stay that way.

Of course, that couldn't happen tonight. Dinner with Decker was at eight, and once everyone had retired to their rooms, Jenny tried to get ready. She had brought as little as she could, but she had packed something nice for dinner. A simple blue dress, perfect for the spring weather in LA. It was definitely better than the weather in DC, there was no wonder why Decker had retired there.

Close to eight, there was a knock on her door and Jenny looked up from her personal mirror to the doorway. She walked the few steps and looked out of the peep hole, smiling at Jethro. A weight felt like it had gone from her shoulders now that he knew. She hoped he wouldn't persuade her out of her decision, she was just hoping that they could be friends again.

She opened the door and smiled at him. He stared at her, smiling back. "You look beautiful."

It was the first nice thing he had said to her in so long that she couldn't help but blush. "I left my jacket in DC. It won't be that cold out there, will it?"

"It's LA. It'll be fine."

As she grabbed her bag and closed the door behind her, the door opposite opened and McGee stepped out into the corridor. He looked confused at his two bosses dressed up and looking like they were going out together. He gulped.

"You both…going out?"

The stares he received from the Director and his boss made him realise the true reason he had been invited along and that was that he'd keep his mouth shut and do as he was told. And considering it looked like the two of them were going out for a romantic dinner, he decided to do just what was expected of him.

"Night!"

McGee slammed the door, and Jenny couldn't resist the snort coming out of her nose. "Poor Tim. You know, we could have invited him along. I'm sure Deck wouldn't have minded."

Locking up both their doors, Jethro walked a little behind her, keeping his hand steady mere centimetres from the small of her back. His walk meant he could observe things from all angles, especially her ass.

"I'm sure Deck wouldn't have minded. But McGee would have had to go see the staff shrink after hearing stories bigger than the ones about you stealing French boats. Plus there is a good chance you'll end up with vodka in your ear again."

Jenny giggled as they walked to meet Decker.

X

The bar Decker had chosen was a little tacky, but it served them well enough: widely stocked bar, the offer of some cheap food. All in all, it reminded both Jenny and Jethro of the places they used to go with Decker in Europe. The music was some offbeat pop number, and at a table on the terrace was Decker, wearing a sun hat and shorts.

"Well, look who it is!"

Decker knew better than to call out their names in public - all their missions together had knocked some sense into him. Still, he leapt up from his table and wrapped his arms around Jenny, tight. Eventually giving her room to breathe, he punched Jethro on the arm in jest.

"This is so like old times! Us three, together again!" He then noticed the proximity between the two, how close they were and yet so far. "Yeah, just like old times. You two pretending not to be in to each other." He sighed. "Let's get some drinks."

They went back to Decker's table where he ordered them all fruity cocktails. Decker had really taken to retirement, and Jenny couldn't remember a time when she had seen him happier. The same couldn't be said for Gibbs, who kept looking at her worryingly. She put aside his worry; she was there to enjoy herself with old friends.

"So, you seeing anyone Deck?" Jethro asked; pouring over the beer stained menu.

Decker grinned and pulled out a picture from his wallet. The young blonde thing he was dating grinned back at them in an outfit that could barely be classed as such. Jenny raised her eyebrows. "Deck, have you gone insane? She's twelve."

"She's twenty-two. Her name is Sasha, and she's amazing," he announced as if it was the end of the conversation. He turned to his friends and sighed, realising they weren't going to let it drop. "Come on, give me a break! There was like twelve years between you two when you guys were together."

Gibbs took a swallow of the bourbon he had managed to order and looked at Decker. "Deck, you're old enough to be her damn grandfather."

"Father, I'm old enough to be her _father_. I resent the 'grandfather' remark."

Jenny snorted and rested a hand on Jethro's arm. He looked at her, surprised, but didn't move his arm one inch. He was enjoying her touch too much. "Jethro, you have to understand that Decker is going through a similar thing to what you went through on your margarita safari. Except you didn't hook up with any twenty year olds in Mexico."

"Not for lack of trying, Jen."

Decker barked at the comeback, but Jenny looked like she had been slapped. As the waitress came around to see what food they wanted, Jethro put a hand on Jenny's thigh and squeezed. They shared a smile, something having changed now he knew about her condition. Both wanted to put the past behind them and move on.

"What about you two, huh?" Decker asked as the waitress moved away. "You seeing other people or have you given into the fact that you two just can't keep your hands off each other?"

"I've had to file sexual harassment charges," Jethro shot out, causing Jenny to pinch his arm.

"You wish!"

Jethro chuckled, eagerly awaiting his next bourbon. "Yes, madam Director, I really do."

Jenny laughed; she didn't know what to say to him. Decker watched her laugh; he hadn't seen her in so long. She was thinner than she had been during their missions together, but her smile was as bright as always. Decker grinned and nudged Gibbs.

"Hey, Jethro, did you ever imagine that probie Jenny would become Director?" he chuckled; laughing harder at the finger Jenny flipped him. "Must be hard at the office, Gibbs," he finished with a wink.

Jenny smiled mischievously. "Its fine, actually, Deck. Gibbs is used to being under me."

The table burst into laughter, although Gibbs was slightly less amused. He was staring at Jenny, his eyes dark with every movement she made.

Decker smiled at the pair before turning and wolf whistling at a brunette who walked past. Jenny asked for bourbon at the nearest waitress and soon Gibbs was exchanging old stories with Decker, mixing in new ones about killer cars, ex wives showing up and heads found in chop shops. With every story Jenny chipped in a little more, the three only stopping occasionally to consume food. And with every story, Jenny and Jethro got closer until Decker noticed it was exactly like old times, with Jethro's arm around Jenny's shoulders, looking like the luckiest guy on the planet.

X

Jenny was trying to hail a cab to take them back to the hotel, Gibbs watching every movement she made. He was supposed to be her protection detail, but the only thing she needed protection from was Decker's pranks. Gibbs watched as Decker prepared a goodbye prank and shook his head.

"You know, I'm really glad you invited me and Jen to dinner, Deck, this was great."

Decker looked up at Gibbs, confused. "What are you talking about? Jenny called me, said she was going to be in LA and wanted to know if I was busy. I didn't arrange anything."

"Really?" Jethro smiled. "Must have got that wrong."

Jethro looked to Jenny grinning and cheering as she managed to hail a cab. He smiled at her laughter, but he couldn't help but wonder what tonight was about. He looked to the sky for a moment, thinking, but was brought down with a curse of Jenny's. Decker.

X

"Is it all out yet?"

"Yeah, I think so. Damn it, Jen, you should know better about Decker."

They made quite a pair stumbling down the hotel corridor in the early hours of the morning; Jethro putting a tissue in Jenny's ear to make sure whatever alcohol Decker had poured down there was out. His other arm was around Jenny's waist, keeping her steady. They hadn't been this close in so long, and both of them were realising how much they missed the others touch.

Eventually they made it to Jenny's door. Gibbs still held onto Jenny's waist, making sure she didn't fall down. "You know, Decker told me that you organised tonight, not him. What was tonight about, Jen?"

She moved both her arms around his neck, before giving him a smack to the back of the head. She wasn't nearly as drunk as he thought she was. "Tonight was about three friends getting back together and getting drunk." She paused. "I wanted to see Decker, and I wanted you to be there. I just wanted you to smile at me, like you used to. You don't anymore. You don't like me anymore."

She was still pretty drunk.

"Jenny, it's not that I don't like you." She looked up at him expectantly with those huge green eyes of hers. "I understand why you shot Benoit. I get it, I really do. I just wish you had come to me for help, Jenny. I'd have helped you."

"You left." She leant against him. She felt so tiny in his arms. "You left and everything changed, Jethro. It's like you didn't even want us to be friends anymore. I mean, I know I left in Paris but I never stopped lov-"

He cut her off with a kiss to the temple. She looked up at the intimate contact and into his eyes. When he saw them flutter shut, he leant down and brushed his lips against hers. It was delicious torture, he hadn't kissed her for nine years and his stomach was in knots with the sheer _want _of it all. Anger, worry, all forgotten. All that remained was love, and Jenny Shepard in his arms.

"Jethro," Jenny sighed, trying to catch her breath. He kissed her lightly again, satisfying the urge but not himself. "Do you want to come in?"

He grinned and nuzzled her cheek. "No. I was planning to keep kissing you in the hall until McGee came out."

Jenny laughed softly and managed, on her second attempt, to get into her hotel room. Jethro didn't touch her until the door was locked.

"I need a shower, wash the vodka out of my hair," Jenny winced. "Wait for me?"

Jethro nodded, and watched as Jenny headed into the adjacent bathroom. He heard the shower go, knew the shower was to wake herself up as well as clean herself up. They had only ever had drunken sex once, and it hadn't been brilliant.

Sitting on her bed, Jethro poured himself a glass of water and sipped it. He could still slip out, then tomorrow morning both of them could make believe this never happened. But he didn't want that. He just wanted her. Seeing her tonight, without the Director sign on her back, made him remember why he had truly fallen in love with her.

The shower stopped, and Jethro exhaled, waiting for her to come out The door to the bathroom opened, and Jethro saw Jenny in a baggy NCIS t-shirt that almost came down to her knees. Her hair was plastered to her head, her makeup was off. But she still had colour in her cheeks, and was still smiling.

"You stayed. I'm very impressed."

Jethro reached for her hand and Jenny took it, liking being pulled onto the bed with Jethro. She laid over him, the closest they had been in some time. They were a little awkward; but still it felt perfect, especially when Jethro wrapped his arms around hers and laid her gently next to him.

"You know I'm not glass, Jethro. I'm not going to break."

He stroked her cheek and leaned into kiss her. Soft, then with a fury that was known to both of them. Her hands crushed the back of his neck, forcing his mouth harder on hers. His teeth nibbled her bottom lip as his tongue stroked hers, trying desperately to connect anyway they could. Breaking for air, Jenny sat up against the pillows.

"Jethro, be honest with me. I don't want this to be a pity fuck. I just…" Jenny closed her eyes and he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'm not expecting sudden outbursts of love, either. I just want you to be honest about why we're doing this."

He kissed her again. "Because I can't think of anything I want more than to make love to you right now." He watched her smile. "You said you wanted tonight to make me smile, well I want to make you smile, Jenny. I think it's been too long since either of us have smiled."

Ever since he had seen Jenny Shepard that day in MTAC three years ago, he had often thought about making love to her, what it would be like after so long. Depending on his mood, and whatever argument they had had that day, it would vary from being hurried and painful to passionate and sexy, much like their first time in Marseille. He had never imagined this.

They kissed for what felt like an hour, languid strokes of lips as they got accustomed to the feel of each other again. She kept trying to tickle him, and in the end he put her hands above her head as he leaned down to kiss her. His mouth eventually moved to her neck, and his tongue lathed over her collarbone, enjoying every moan that slipped over her lips.

Jenny licked her lips as she forced him upwards, her hands moving to the simple shirt he had worn to dinner. Her fingers trembled over the buttons, and Jethro moved with her hands to get the fabric off of his torso. Dropping it down next to her bed, Jenny smiled as they moved back down to the sheets, her hands now free to roam over his taut muscle.

"Mmm, Jethro, I have missed this," Jenny moaned as his hands wandered up her bare legs. He grinned as they stroked the inside of her knee, before turning to her inner thigh. Her fingertips gripped into his shoulder blades as his mouth moved from hers to between her legs. He blew warm air there, causing her to shiver.

"What do you want, Jen?" Jethro growled into her ear, his desire barely keeping in check.

She gripped his hair tight and brought him down for a passionate kiss, their lips moving like it was the only thing they had ever learnt how to do. His hands moved back to the inside of her thighs, before moving up to the edge of the NCIS t-shirt she had on. Jenny shifted her arms upwards so Jethro could take her shirt from her skin.

His grin faltered as he saw how thin she had become, but Jenny immediately pushed his head to her breasts. Smiling, he took one in his mouth and the other in hand. His tongue moved over one nipple in circles, his hand gently kneading the breast and pinching the other nipple taut between his fingers. Jenny was writhing underneath him, her hair sticking to her skin. He started to groan as one of Jenny's hands undid his zipper and started fondling his cock.

With a firm kiss to her mouth, Jethro pressed Jenny to the bed and managed to kick off his jeans and boxers in record time. He then reached around Jenny's waist and pulled her onto him. He sat up and she slid to his waist, straddling him. He undid the ties at the corner of her underwear and threw them to the side, his hands taking their time to curve over and caress her body.

"Jenny, I've been thinking…" Jethro muttered as his fingers gripped Jenny's waist. She moaned as she sunk onto him, and he had to resist all his urges to not just take her there.

"You're thinking _now?_" Jenny asked, her hands going around Jethro's neck as she started to move up and down him. He gripped onto her steady, keeping eye contact with her as they moved together. She was biting her lower lip, and as his pace moved a little faster she gasped. God she had missed him.

"Yeah. I've been thinking we should have done this that first day in MTAC."

Jenny laughed and moved into kiss him, and he eagerly accepted her lips. Chuckling, he threw her down onto the bed, still inside her. Still holding her, he pulled the sheet over their heads, tonight just for them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Angel of Death by DD Agent**

_I do not own NCIS or any of its characters, or its settings - all belongs to the lovely folks at CBS_

_This is a really difficult story to write as it deals with some really big issues, so thank you so much for those who took the time to read this story. Big thank you to those who reviewed chapter one - lots of hugs and Caf Pows to Mrs Elizabeth Gibbs, hopesmom, HuddyJibbsAddict, Pixie-Galaxy-Dust and Miss Jayne. _

_This chapter was supposed to be up yesterday but due to the heat wave and me editing out and then putting back about a 1000 words, this story is up now. Chapter Three should hopefully be up on Monday!_

_Hope you enjoy! : ) _

**Chapter Two**

There was a knock on her hotel room door early that morning. Jenny shifted, her whole body aching from the nights activities. She looked down and saw that Jethro was still there. His hair was sticking up at funny angles, and she smiled as she watched him sleep for a moment. He didn't know she knew he watched her sleep, but the truth was that she would often watch him before cuddling into him and drifting off once more.

The door banged again, and Jenny realised that they were not in Paris, nor in any of their respective houses in DC but in a hotel room in LA where one of their junior agents was acting as her protection detail across the hall. Slipping out of bed, she found Jethro's shirt and put it around her shoulders, mildly covering up her dignity. Her joints burned as she walked to the door, and she grabbed her bottle of steroids on her way. Looking out the peep hole, she groaned and opened the door.

"Decker, do you know what time it is?" Jenny asked her old friend, noting that he was carrying three cups of coffee. He handed her one and walked past her into the room, rolling his eyes as he noticed the clothes strewn everywhere and a naked Jethro in her bed.

He sipped his coffee, grinning. "I really didn't see this coming. I mean, you two making goo goo eyes at each other all night - never occurred to me that you'd have last time sex." He winked at her, but Jenny noticed something off in his last sentence. Her eyes grew fearful before he rested a hand on her wrist. "I'm not blind, Jenny. You're sick, case in point the steroid bottle you're holding. I spent the whole night thinking about you, Jenny, worrying about you."

"Decker?" Jethro groaned from the bed as he realised his old friend was in the room. He moved to grab one of the pillows to throw at Decker, but Decker just laughed. That was until it hit him in the chest and he spilt his hot coffee down his Hawaiian shirt.

"I hate you Gibbs, I really do."

As Jethro grabbed his boxers and headed to the bathroom, Jenny and Decker sat down on her bed. Decker exhaled and reached to hug his old friend. They hadn't been close since Europe; he hadn't wanted to pick sides between the two when Jenny had left Gibbs. He had missed them horribly, missed the easy flow that ran between the three of them. But with this news he didn't know what to say to Jenny, didn't know how to explain his feelings. He was lost.

"Jenny," Decker began, trying to organise his thoughts.

Jenny reached over and tightened her grip on his hand. "How about we just leave things as they are?" She suggested and Decker tried not to cry. He had had his friends returned to him, and now he was about to lose one of them, this time for good.

"If you want it that way."

She nodded. "I do, Deck. I just want to leave things as they are, now that they're okay."

In the bathroom, Jethro ran a hand over his head. The night before had been amazing, he couldn't remember a better night with Jenny. Watching her fall asleep had reopened feelings he had tried to bury for the last two years. He understood her reasoning about not wanting old wounds to reopen because she was sick, but dammit he didn't and couldn't leave things as they were, where they were merely pleasant instead of all they could be.

X

Timothy McGee had had a good night. He'd written some more of the sequel to his novel, before free writing a new story where McGregor and Tibbs went to LA to protect Leonard and got involved in a political scandal and a killer targeting redheads. He had written a considerable chunk before he realised he needed a couple of hours sleep.

When he had awoke, he'd found a note shoved underneath his door. The Director and Gibbs had gone for breakfast down by the pool as they weren't needed at the LA Branch until midday. They had been invited to see how an operation ran, and McGee was looking forward to seeing all that technology in action.

Coming down in casual clothes, he spotted the Director by the pool easily. She was joined by two men, one of whom was Gibbs. He was staring at the Director but trying hard not to at the same time, just like back in DC. The other man was laughing loudly and sipping cocktails, even though it was only eight in the morning. Gibbs waved him over, and he stood awkwardly around the three of them.

"Tim, this is Will Decker. He used to work with me and the Director at NCIS," Gibbs introduced. Will offered his hand to McGee. "Deck, this is Tim McGee. Great agent, one of the best I've worked with."

They shook hands, and McGee was pointed to the breakfast bar. He brought back a plate and sat down with the group, feeling a little out of place. The Director turned to him and smiled, making him feel less alone.

"We met up with Deck last night, spur of the moment thing. You get much writing done?" Jenny tuned to Decker proudly. "Tim is a very successful author."

Decker grinned when he realised who Tim was. "You're the _Deep Six _guy? Jeez, I _love _that book!"

McGee smiled widely. "Thank you Mister Decker. It's easy to write when you've got such great inspiration!"

The former NCIS agent nodded before shifting closer to McGee. "So, in the follow up, are Tommy and Lisa going to get together? Because I sort of thought they had a chemistry." McGee was about to answer when Decker thought of something else. "Plus, is Amy an actual person? Because the way you describe her, she sounds _hot."_

Both McGee and Gibbs' forks clattered to their plates, breakfast forgotten. Jenny giggled. It was Gibbs who spoke first. "Decker. Don't ever come back to the Navy Yard."

McGee and Decker continued to talk about _Deep Six, _while Jenny got up from her lounger and went to get some more breakfast. Usually she had no appetite, which was one reason why she looked like a bag of bones. But after last night with Jethro, she was _starving_. She felt a figure creep up behind her and rest a hand on the curve of her hip. Her breath caught as she turned to see Gibbs.

"Can we talk about last night, Jenny?"

She wanted to talk about it. She wanted to kiss him and let him hold her but she knew that anything they started now would end in heartbreak. So she forced her head to shake in the negative, swallowing down bile. She wasn't hungry anymore. "Last night was…amazing, Jethro. But I think it's best if we just left it that way. Don't you?"

Jenny inwardly groaned as she saw him rest a finger above her right eye. She could feel it twitching, and cursed her body for failing her more than it already had. She saw McGee had his back to them, so she took the chance to press her lips lightly to Jethro's cheek.

"I can't do this, Jethro. I can't break your heart again; it almost killed me the last time. This time it will kill me."

Decker watched the two of them out of the corner of his eye and was so glad he was staying in LA.

X

Like before, Gibbs waited outside with Decker whilst an eager McGee and Jenny went to watch the LA operation go down. Their conversation was quite pleasant, outside in the warm sipping coffee, until Decker decided he wanted an answer about Jenny.

"What's she got?" Decker asked.

Jethro sighed; he didn't want to talk to Decker about this, but he knew his friend wouldn't give him a choice. "Muscular Dystrophy. Won't tell me long how she's got left, and I really didn't ask."

Will nodded. His step father had had Muscular Dystrophy, so he knew how hard it could be. Back when he had been in DC, he had used to do a charity run to raise money for it, and his mother still kept him up to date with information about the disease, even though her husband had long since passed.

"They've got new clinical trials, don't they? She signed up for one?"

Gibbs shook his head. "No. Doesn't want to…she's quite happy to let the illness take her."

He had got that vibe from her that very morning, but the revelation in black and white still shocked him. It didn't sound like Jenny Shepard at all - above everything she was a fighter. Every injury she had sustained while they had worked together she had recovered from in double time. She was nothing if not strong. Decker turned to Gibbs and watched the anger in his eyes. He loathed her decision, but Decker didn't see him doing anything to rectify it.

"But you're going to persuade her to join up, right, Gibbs? You're going to force her to put her name down and go through these clinical trials, right?" It had started as insincere, but with every word the image of Jenny's funeral grew firmer in his mind. Decker knocked the cup of coffee out of his hand, forcing Jethro to look up at him. "Jethro, look at me and tell me you're going to do something other than just stand there while Jenny _dies._"

The rule about not messing with a marines coffee flew out the window as Gibbs turned to his old friend, his face curled up in pain. "What do you expect me to do, Decker? Put her through some long shot that might not even work? I'd rather put a bullet in her head than see her go through that."

Decker felt himself growing angrier by the second. "Jethro…"

"I was married, Deck," Jethro hissed. "I had a wife, Shannon, and we had a daughter, Kelly. They were killed by a drug dealer, Will. I lost them both. There are so many things I wished I had said to Shannon before she died. Jenny's death is going to hurt, Will, but I have a chance to put the last nine years right and I'm going to take it."

Will Decker understood the pain of watching a loved one go through something so painful, and the feeling of helplessness. But he also knew Jenny and Jethro, and knew that when you were born a fighter, it was hard to let go of those urges.

"So what's your plan here, Jethro? You two dance around each other, have romantic meals and wake up together all happy ending like? Because at the end of the day you have a ticking clock over your relationship."

Jethro nodded. "I know. This is not an easy choice to make, Will!"

"But it is!" He screamed. "You two are just rolling over and letting this disease take Jenny. If this had been a bad guy like that terrorist in Rome you would be out there with a damn sniper rifle!"

"This isn't something that I can shoot, punch or blow up, Deck. This is a disease, and there is no goddamn cure! Even if she went through one of those clinical trials, there is no solid chance of her getting better. The odds aren't good, Will."

Will smiled at him, but Jethro couldn't understand why. This was not a happy matter. "Jethro, what were the odds of you and Ducky getting out of Paris when you both got arrested?"

"Not great."

He grinned again. "Until Jenny, our probie Jenny, broke you out and got you out of the damn country on a _freaking _boat! They were ready to cause a huge international incident over you but she saved you! And what were the odds of Jenny surviving that bullet to her thigh, huh, Jethro?"

"Not great," he whispered. He could see where Decker was going with this.

Will smiled. "Not great at all. Not until you saved her. The odds have never been on your side, Jethro, but you've both come out of it. Now I'm not saying this is an entirely selfless decision, because I want Jenny in my life. When I came to DC she was the only friend I had and I've wasted as many years as you have not keeping in contact." He sighed. "As for you two, I look at you both, and you've made some mistakes but you belong together."

"Will it's not an option!"

"_You have to try!" _he shouted. "Muscular Dystrophy is painful. And maybe this clinical trial will give you a few more months together, and that's something. But on the off chance that you two can be with each other for a long time? Isn't that worth it?"

Jethro nodded, his resolve weakening. He had already thought he needed more time with her, there was so much to put right. "Deck, I talked to her this morning and she doesn't want to repeat last night. Even if I persuaded her to just enjoy our time together there is no way in hell I'd be able to persuade her to do a clinical trial."

Decker rested his hand on Jethro's shoulder. "Then be charming. Knock her out and handcuff her to a hospital bed if you have to! Jethro, I know Jenny. She may think she wants to die quietly and with no regrets but this is the girl who took a round to the thigh and still managed to assassinate an Italian spy four days later. Albeit with your help but still. Talk to her; see if this is really what she wants. If it is, stick with your plan and I can be happy knowing she is. But if it isn't, Jethro, then fight, and make her fight too." Decker drained the last of his coffee. "Right now, you don't want her to die wishing you had a chance to love her. Just make sure you don't go through the rest of your life wishing you both had fought for a future together."

Jethro nodded and sighed, understanding where Decker was coming from. Regrets were what their relationship was built on, and he hated it. Her leaving, him not going after her, her coming back, him leaving for Mexico, The Frog, Hollis, not staying the night, no off the job. Would being with her for these last few months be one more regret? Or would not pushing, hoping and _fighting _for one more chance together be the true regret of their relationship?

He wasn't sure. He just knew he was tired of it all.

X

"You'll keep an eye on them for me, won't you Tim?" Decker asked as the group of four made their way into LAX. Jethro kept his hands close to Jenny all the time, while McGee was happy to talk to Decker. The two got along quite well. Whilst on the outside appearing very much like Tony, there was a side to Decker that McGee found appealing.

"I promise, Mister Decker. What's this?" McGee asked as Decker passed him something. It was a scrap book. Decker looked to see that Jenny and Jethro were busy before opening it up. Tim grinned at the variety of pictures there, beautiful shots of the group of three in Paris and all over Europe. Scattered amongst the pictures was a few of lines of haunting poetry. "Beautiful words, Mister Decker. Maybe we could collaborate sometime?"

"They're not mine, they're Jenny's words. I took the pictures. That girl has a way with words; he has a way with wood."

McGee smiled. "They're meant to be together, we can all see it."

Decker patted Tim on the shoulder. "I'm entrusting this to you, Tim. Use it to remind both of them of what they had, and what they could lose." McGee looked confused for a moment, before Decker winked at him. "It was a pleasure to meet you, Tim, it really was."

Just as McGee was about to respond, Gibbs and Jenny came back to see them. Their luggage was all aboard the plane, ready to go. McGee shook Decker's hand before backing away, still pondering his words. Jenny moved forward next, clinging onto their old friend. She had wanted the night before to be three old friends having a good time, telling old stories. She had never expected that Decker would stick around, or he would cling back when she hugged him goodbye.

"I love you, Jenny," Decker whispered in her ear before kissing her cheek. She hugged him harder, and both of them hoped it wouldn't be the last time, but in their hearts they knew it would be.

"Love you back, Will."

Jethro took his turn to say goodbye to his friend, patting Decker on the back in a manly hug. Both men took a glance at Jenny, their conversation from earlier still weighing heavily on them. Either way, it was time for them all to leave.

"Don't be a stranger, Deck," Jethro said as both McGee and him lead the Director away.

McGee went ahead to make sure everything would be okay to get the Director through security, while Jethro took Jenny aside to the plastic seats of the airport. They watched Decker's retreating form, the Hawaiian shirt eventually blending in with the crowd. Jenny rested her head on Jethro's shoulder and reached for his hands. He held her as he felt his shirt grow wet.

When McGee returned, happy their journey was going to be a safe one, there was no sign of the tears. Just a woman whose façade was becoming second nature to her.

X

McGee had opted to spend most of the flight home in the first class steward's area with his laptop in front of him. He preferred to write on his typewriter, but needs must. He wasn't blind - he knew something was going on between Gibbs and the Director and he knew it was better to leave them to it.

It was easier to write. He was working more on the free writing idea from yesterday which now had a new character - Dillan Brecker, a suave ladies man writing an autobiography that could get the heroes killed. McGee was sure that Decker, who had offered to look over anything he needed, would appreciate it.

In the first class area, Jenny and Jethro were drinking and talking about things long forgotten. Jenny had managed to swipe some of the small bottles of alcohol, much to Jethro's amusement - she had done the same thing at least three times when they had worked in Europe. They were currently putting the little bottles of Jack Daniels over the large amount of coke they had.

Jethro was falling more in love with Jenny Shepard with every smile she gave him, and it was further cementing his plan. Of course, what of the two plans available to him he was running with he wasn't sure.

"Do you remember that time we were in Venice tracking down the wife of an arms dealer, and we found her flirting with Decker?"

Jethro grinned, resting his head on the palm of his hand. She had livened up incredibly over the trip, and their relationship had improved. If all it took was being honest with each other and an incredible night in a LA hotel, Gibbs would have repaired their relationship _months _ago.

"To give Decker his due, he'd only just arrived from Berlin and had _no _idea what the target was. Of course what I remember most from that trip was me losing you in Verona."

"Bags and shoes, Jethro, bags and shoes!"

They laughed, and Jethro moved his hand onto her thigh, pulling her a little closer to where they lounged on the airplane seats. Jenny felt her breath stop as their knees bumped, and she felt Jethro's hand go around her waist.

"Jethro…" Jenny whispered as his hand moved to stroke her neck. It wasn't that she didn't want him to kiss her, she wanted it - _him _- so much. Too much. The night before had been amazing, but she had meant what she had said at breakfast.

She licked her lips, her body betraying her every step of the way. Thankfully, instead of leaning in to kiss her on the mouth, Jethro reached up and pressed his lingering lips to her forehead.

"You should get a little sleep, Director."

Jen nodded her acceptance, and immediately put down the drinks they had been holding. Jethro looked at her funny, but then smiled as she curled up and rested her head on his lap. That was another thing she had always done in Europe, and Jethro couldn't help but sigh at the sight of her sleeping so soundly on him.

He heard a sharp intake of breath, and Jethro looked up to see McGee staring through the curtains. He expected to have to make an excuse, but all Tim did was smile and head back through to the attendant's area.

X

He couldn't believe Abby was still in her lab. But she was sipping on what looked like her sixth Caf Pow of the day, and working on evidence from another team. He knocked on one of the work tops so he didn't startle her.

"McGee!"

She reached over and hugged him, and he gripped her back just as tight. It had been a weird couple of days, and he was happy to return to some normalcy. And normal for him was Abby Sciuto. He'd left the Director in her office, and Gibbs stalking down in the bullpen. He had hoped that what he saw on the plane was the sign of good things to come, but it seemed that both of them still had a long way to go.

"So, how was LA? Tell me _everything!_"

McGee relayed the information about the trip, talked about the Special Projects Office and all the amazing technology. Once that story was finished, he brought the scrap book out of his bag and showed Abby.

"While we were there, the Director and Gibbs met up with an old friend, Will Decker. He's great, big fan of _Deep Six_. He gave me this, it's Decker's photographs and the Director's poetry from when Gibbs and the Director were partners."

Abby looked at him with wide eyes. "Are you telling me, Tim, that we have concrete proof of the Director and Gibbs' love affair in Europe?"

Tim opened up one of the pages of the scrap book and showed Abby a beautifully rendered photograph of Jenny Shepard and Gibbs in front of a canal in Venice, his head bowed into her neck. Abby's mouth fell open and looked at the picture with wide eyes.

"They look so happy."

McGee sighed, almost not recognising the expressions on their faces. "Yeah, they do. Look at this one Decker took of the Director in Paris."

"Wow. I mean she still looks great but she looks so young!"

"The Director as a probie. And this is one of Gibbs."

Abby leaned over and read the poetry underneath the picture of Gibbs staring off into the distance, looking incredibly handsome. Abby thought that Gibbs must not have known that Decker was taking the photograph as his eyes were full of love for whatever he was staring at.

"_'His eyes be all: they need to change the definition of green to love.' _What?" Tim asked Abby, reading aloud the poetry. He was a writer and it was a lovely line but he had no idea what it meant. "You have any ideas?"

"Green is typically a colour for jealousy. The line is saying they need to change its association to love. It's also my eye colour." Both Abby and McGee turned to the Director who had entered the lab unnoticed. She smiled when she saw the scrapbook, although McGee noticed the smile had a glint in it when she turned to him. Of course Abby was the parent's favourite. "He was staring at me that day."

Abby hugged the Director, who hugged her back just as tightly. She was going to miss Abby, perhaps second to missing Jethro. She tried not to think of it, tried not to let it show. It was hard enough that Jethro knew without letting on to anyone else.

The forensic scientist grinned when she pulled back. "Some of this poetry is really good. I think you missed your calling!"

"Thank you Abby. I take it you had a few long conversations with Will Decker today, Agent McGee?" McGee gulped. He was about to get fired and he knew it. "If Decker gave you the scrapbook it's for a reason, although God knows what that is. I can't believe he kept it anyway, I thought it burned with the-. I can't believe he kept it."

Jenny flicked through several of the pictures, smiling at particularly wonderful shots of Gibbs or beautifully framed photographs of her and Jethro in Europe. Too many memories made her heart burn, and she put the scrapbook down on the worktop. What was Decker trying to do? Get them back together? When they had the first time, he had been opposed to the idea. Of course, that was until he realised it wasn't just sex, but love as well.

For so many years she had wanted them back together. Her initial 'no off the job' remark was an attempt to keep her heart intact, but over the years she had fallen for him more and more. Now as much as she knew he wanted to put right their past and maybe rekindle things, she just couldn't put either of them through that. The next time she saw Will Decker, she was going to punch him.

She almost laughed at how redundant that sentence was.

"As long as you keep that between you two, I see no reason why you can't keep it. Decker entrusted it to you, and I trust Decker knows what he's doing. But just make sure it stays between you two." She knew she should confiscate it, but she didn't want the memories. She didn't want her heart to crumble anymore than it was.

McGee nodded, hearing the unspoken words behind her request. _Don't show DiNozzo_. The doors to Abby's lab opened again to reveal Gibbs holding the Director's jacket that she had left in her office before the trip.

"Thought I'd find you down here." Abby reached over and hugged Gibbs, but his eyes were fully on Jenny. He kissed Abby on the cheek and nodded to McGee, who was standing in front of the scrapbook. The Director might find the whole thing amusing and trust them with such a precious part of her past, but Gibbs definitely would not. Gibbs seemed oblivious and just smiled. "Director, can I drive you home?"

"Thank you Special Agent Gibbs. Goodnight Agent McGee, Abby."

Abby and McGee watched with an expecting grin as Gibbs helped the Director into her jacket. With his hand on the small of her back, he led her away and into the elevator. After seeing them go, the two of them turned back to the scrapbook, hoping to see more pictures of their bosses with smiles like _that_.

X

He was still her active security detail for a while - she had wanted a little time to herself after the trip had come to its conclusion so had sent them all home. Now she was in the passenger seat of Gibbs' car, being driven back home where all she wanted to do was sit in a hot bath and relax everything that was hurting. Which was really her entire body, including her heart.

She was used to his silence; in fact she relished it when she had her own problems to think over. Principally the few things she needed to do to sort out her effects before she left. Her will was all sorted, as was her power of attorney. With no family, the only people she really trusted were Ducky and Jethro. She couldn't be sure if Ducky could make the right choice if it came down to it, she was like a daughter to him, or at least she had been. She hoped she had made it clear over this visit her wishes to Jethro. She knew he understood loss. But she also knew he understood pain.

"I hate airplane food."

Jenny nodded. Despite being first class, their food had been less than stellar. In fact, her stomach was growling a little. Breakfast seemed so long ago. She was thinking of ordering something when she got home, too tired to cook. She realised that Jethro was looking at her, waiting for a response and instead found her thinking instead. He smiled and rested the hand not on the wheel but on her own.

"Got a takeout menu in the glove compartment."

She smiled as she recognised his roundabout way of inviting himself over for dinner. Jenny briefly considered her options, briefly considered telling him no but his hand was now on the corner of her knee and all she could think about was the night before. For the first time for as long as she could remember, she was able to think of something other than the knowledge that she was dying.

After ordering and pulling up at her place, Jethro paid the delivery guy with a tip. He then put an arm around Jenny as he led her inside. Shutting the door behind them, Jenny felt his breath on the curve of her neck before he retired to the kitchen to get them some plates and cutlery.

"Jethro, do you mind if I have a bath? I just need to soak for a while."

She came into the kitchen to watch him put a few things on plates. He smirked at her. "We could always eat while we're in the bath." His eyes flashed dark and Jenny had to stop blushing.

"_Jethro_."

He wanted her. Her resolve crumbled as he put the food down on the table and walked around to wrap an arm around her waist. Jethro pulled her closer and her hands caressed the shirt he wore. She wanted it off him; she wanted him on the table. But the pain was increasing and all she needed at that moment was her medication and a bath, followed by dinner with Jethro.

"Twenty minutes."

He looked sad for a moment before the smile picked up again. "I know you, it's more like forty."

Still he let her go up and have a bath, which was something she really needed. The steroids helped lessen the pain a little, as did the bourbon she managed to down. She was in the bath for nearly an hour, hoping that Jethro would have given up and headed home to his boat. She needed to be strong over all this and romantic dinners and passions alight wouldn't help either of them.

She put on a fresh pair of trousers and a t-shirt she remembered buying in Verona, and headed out of her bathroom. Jenny nearly jumped when she found Jethro lying on her bed, reading the current book she was enjoying.

"I thought you had left."

"I thought you said twenty minutes. I'll go get the food out from the oven."

Jenny sat down on her bed, in shock. She couldn't believe Jethro had stayed. She was starting to get a little worried. If she wasn't sick, she would have no problems leaving the food in the oven and having Jethro in her bed. Hell, she would have had him in the bath with her, job be damned.

But while she was too honest with herself to suggest that he had any level of feeling for her as he had done for Shannon, she knew that losing her would affect him. One magical night and the hatchet buried was all she had wanted. As much as her heart craved more she was doing this for him, trying to keep him at arm's length to minimise his pain when she died. And minimise her pain as she mentally ran down the clock of her time left.

"Jethro, can we talk?"

"Only if it's about who gets the odd piece of garlic bread." His eyes were very clear on that point, and Jenny decided to let it go for now. As selfish as it was, she was enjoying spending time with Jethro, enjoying him smiling at her and wanting her.

Halfway through their spaghetti, Jethro looked at her. There was something he needed to know for sure before he could continue with his plan. "Jen, be honest with me. Did you kill Rene Benoit?"

She put her fork down on her plate and exhaled. She could lie, but he would know. This wasn't what she had meant about putting their issues to rest. "Didn't we discuss this last night?"

"With you drunk. Jen, answer me, please."

Jenny nodded, but Jethro's hand over hers made her realise he needed to hear the words. And maybe, just maybe, she needed to say them. "I shot Rene Benoit. You can tell me that he didn't kill my father; you can tell me that my father killed himself but I know he wouldn't leave me. He wouldn't leave me."

Jethro nodded. She expected him to pack away dinner, to just leave and their relationship would be back to the way it had been before LA. Instead, he reached over and placed a kiss on the top of her head. She was shaking. "I killed the man who killed Shannon and Kelly, Jen. One bullet right through his head. You should have come to me."

"What would you have done, Jethro, that I couldn't?"

"Held you back or held him down. Whatever you asked me."

Jenny nodded, smiling through the single tear dripping over her cheek. Without a word, they both continued eating. Once the dishes had been cleared out onto the floor, Jethro started picking up her book again. Jenny slid under one of his arms and read the section he was reading. They read, together, quietly, until Jethro put down the book and his glasses and looked over at her. He smiled and leaned down to kiss her. She took his lips willingly, her hand caressing his cheek as he kissed her. She smiled as the kiss grew more passionate, lost in the moment, his lips sliding over hers in an action as familiar as breathing.

"Jenny…" Jethro breathed, brushing both hands over her face. It was time to truly find out what he needed to do. "Are you honestly going to tell me you'd rather just give up rather than fight, and miss the chance to have this every evening?"

His eyes had grown painful, and Jenny pulled away, however reluctantly, from him. She moved off the bed and stared into space. She couldn't go down this route. Everything was ready, everything was in place and with their relationship repaired she could go in peace. No amount of passionate nights and promises of a future would change her mind. She wouldn't let it.

"I think you should go now Jethro."

She could hear him collecting his things from the bed, and still she didn't turn around. She knew what she was doing; she knew this was best for everyone and herself. She felt Jethro behind her, felt his mouth close to her ear.

"I thought not."

He kissed her cheek and left her to cry alone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Angel of Death by DD Agent**

_I do not own NCIS or any of its characters, or its settings - all belongs to the lovely folks at CBS_

_Big thank yous to those who read, put this story on alert, favourite it etc. This is a really hard story to write, but I find it fascinating to do so, and I hope you are having the same experience. Awesome points to Mrs. Elizabeth Gibbs, HuddyJibbsAddict, GeorgiaEmerald, KSPB, MissJayne and left my heart in Paris - it makes me so happy to know people are enjoying this story. _

_As always, hope you enjoy this x_

**Chapter Three**

Although his actions before had brought them two steps forward, he knew his actions last night had set them back. Getting into NCIS early, he brought two cups of coffee with him and headed up to her office. He was planning to sit down and explain to her that whatever time she had left; he wanted to spend it with her. Screw Decker, screw fighting. He was trying to bury the part of his head that was screaming at him to persuade her to join a clinical trial, and just concentrate on the present, on her.

Dead silence greeted him as he walked through the bullpen. Not many people were around that early in the morning, but he expected something other than what sounded like a graveyard. Running up the stairs, he saw that Cynthia wasn't at her desk, but the door to Jenny's office was open. He poked his head through it, and saw Jenny staring at the rising sun, her eyes filled with tears.

"Jenny?"

She turned around and saw Jethro looking at her. She tried to wipe the tears away with her sleeve but he had already seen them. He put the coffee down on her desk and walked over to her, putting his arms around her. She relaxed into his embrace, almost forgetting the last couple of days.

"Please tell me those tears aren't because of me."

She gave him a look that was pure Jenny, and he grinned. It faltered when he noticed she wasn't grinning back. "We lost an agent, Jethro. Agent Donovan."

"I'm sorry Jenny."

She nodded, and wiped the growing tears with the back of her hand. "I'm putting your team on the case, Jethro. Donovan and her partner Marcus were investigating a drug smuggling ring that had ties to a couple of marines. Someone murdered one of our own, Jethro, and I want them behind bars."

She was trembling badly, and he clung to her harder. The loss of an agent always affected them, but it seemed to rattle them more this time, reminding them of Jenny's increasing mortality. So he just leant down and brushed his lips against hers, distracting them both from the pain. She put a hand on his chest, wanting to push him away but she didn't have the energy.

"Jethro."

He took her hands and moved over to her desk chair. He sat down and pulled her on top of him, cradling her. She nestled into him like they were built for each other - whatever position they were in they just seemed to fit. He found her hand and slotted his fingers in between hers.

"Look at me, Jen." She tried to duck his gaze. "Look at me." She finally looked at him, staring into the pools of blue. "I know you want to go this alone, and I know you're worried about hurting me. But Jen, I want to make things right."

She nuzzled his neck. "I told you, I don't want this to happen because you feel sorry for me."

"You don't get it, do you Jen? This is a wakeup call, to stop wasting the time we have left and just be with each other. I was serious that we should have been doing this ever since that day in MTAC. I've never been able to stop thinking about you."

Jenny peeked out from Jethro's shoulder and had to resist smiling at the sight of him beaming down on her. "Even when you were with Colonel Mann?"

"You _were _jealous."

Jenny reached up and head slapped him lightly, his hand gripping her wrist and kissing it afterwards. Her breath hitched, and she tried to respond. "Well, duh! Even McGee could tell I didn't like the Colonel. I still think of you as mine."

Jethro brought his head down to hers. Her hand immediately went to his cheek, thumb stroking his bottom lip. They were so intimate now, the job didn't even matter. All that mattered was the feel of his lips against hers. He was so close to kissing her, and yet he pulled back. "I am yours, Jenny."

"I still don't want to hurt you Jethro."

His lips moved onto the top of her head. "Jenny, I…"

There was a knock on the door and Jenny managed to scramble out of Jethro's lap quick enough for Tim McGee to enter and not notice anything weird. He smiled at both of them, but it didn't reach his eyes. Jenny knew Donovan had been close to McGee at FLETC, and she could see his pain.

Back to business, she straightened her shirt. "Special Agent Gibbs, once Agent Marcus is back up from the morgue, he'll be able to brief you and your team," Jenny stated, turning towards McGee.

"That's what I was actually here to say, Director. He's already up here." McGee explained, bobbing his head before standing in the doorway, one foot out the door.

Jethro made a move to go downstairs. Jenny moved too, her hand reaching out but failing to touch him. He didn't even look back as he left her office. She knew she had probably screwed up again, but she was trying desperately not to mess up her head anymore, and not mess with Jethro's, too. She loved him, but she couldn't ask him to put himself through the pain of her death after so much goodness. She just couldn't.

X

When Ducky came up from giving his autopsy report to the Director directly, he found that there was another body on his slab. Looking closer, it was just his old friend who had a tendency to sleep on metal slabs. He looked troubled, and Ducky went to find his glasses and a bottle of good whiskey - Jethro looked like he needed it.

"Thanks Ducky." There was a small measure of scotch in the bottom of the glass, and Gibbs knocked it back, wincing at the taste. It was enough to jerk him out of his thoughts and turn to his friend who looked concerned.

Ducky looked him over and realised he had only seen that look in Jethro's face once. It was when he had arrived in DC after a mission in Paris. Jenny hadn't been with him, she had left DC and Jethro, returning only six years later and not as his partner, or lover. This time though, when she left she would not be returning.

"She told you then."

"Yeah, she did. I can't lose her, Ducky."

"I know, Jethro, I know." Ducky reached over for the bottle and decided to pour them a healthier measure of alcohol this time. It probably wasn't the best idea, but after the death of an agent and the future loss of Jenny Shepard, they needed a little something to take the edge off. "This isn't easy for any of us."

"I love her, Ducky." He was gripping the glass so tight that it shattered in his hand. Scotch and glass crumbled over his skin, and Ducky immediately got his first aid kit to sort the hand out. There were only a few cuts, he was lucky no glass had become imbedded.

As he cleaned his wound, Ducky watched Jethro, not sure what to say. Maybe if Jenny hadn't have become Director, they could have got together sooner. Now it was too late for them to have any real chance at happiness together. "Have you told her that, Jethro?"

"What good would it do? She keeps pushing me away. I just don't want to waste anymore time, you know? I want to be with her."

"I understand, Jethro. But Muscular Dystrophy is a horrible disease. Towards the end I doubt she'll want any of us around, she won't want us to see her like that. I doubt Abigail will even get near her, she's very fond of her." Ducky smiled. "You know, she's almost like your child. I know she jokes about it, but Abby shares a lot of similarities with both of you. She reminds me a lot of Jenny when she was a young federal agent: warm and loving and always with a smile."

Gibbs chuckled. He definitely saw a lot of Jenny in Abby, and he believed after Abby's parents deaths she was looking for someone to fill that role. It pained his heart to realise that Abby would lose another mother figure. Ducky squeezed his hand, as if he knew his thoughts, before continuing.

"Jethro, I can get you some literature about the disease, if you wish. Maybe talk it over with Jenny, over dinner perhaps?"

Ducky winked at his old friend, and Gibbs couldn't help but smile. Ducky had always supported their relationship, and although the medical examiner knew it would be difficult, he knew they needed to have a connection before Jenny passed away.

"You know you're her power of attorney?" Ducky threw out as Gibbs looked at his watch, realising he had a killer to catch.

"What?" Jenny had never mentioned it to him. Surely that would be a conversation they should have had together? It was then that Jethro vowed to, once the current case was over, take Jenny out to a nice dinner and have a long talk about things. Whatever happened after that, at least they would have been honest with each other.

Ducky nodded as he moved to sweep up the glass. "Yes, she mentioned it to me while I was giving her a check up. I don't think she thought I could make the decisions that the position offered, and to be honest, she was right."

As Gibbs stared at the autopsy slab, swallowing hard as he imagined Jenny lying there, he didn't think he could make those decisions either.

X

Agent Marcus had explained what had gone on with the case. They'd been tracking two marines who seemed to be overspending, and found a link to a drug smuggling ring within DC. They'd been trying to isolate the players, maybe flip one of the marines but nothing had come from it so far. After becoming tired with no new leads, Marcus and Donovan had gone in to raid a warehouse known for the small gang's distribution. One of the dealers and one of the marines had been shot, as well as Agent Donovan.

Abby was now trying to isolate the mobile phones of the other drug dealers and the last marine, but so far to no avail. After the briefing, Tim had come down to her lab and just sat against her work table, not saying a word. He and Donovan had trained together at FLETC, had been good friends too. They'd gone out a few times when she'd been assigned to the Navy Yard, but they'd kept mostly to themselves. McGee was regretting that now.

"Tim?"

He looked up to see Abby staring at him. He painted a smile on his face, trying to overcome the loss of losing another agent. "How's it coming, Abby?"

"More concerned about you right now Tim." Abby walked over and hugged him tight. He held her close, leaning in to engulf his senses with Abby Sciuto. He needed that hug, needed to feel his one good thing so much.

As they broke apart, she still clung onto him. Tim looked at Abby, over every inch of her face. He knew he shouldn't, knew Tony would tease him and Gibbs would yell at him and Abby would probably pull away and give him a speech about feelings and inappropriateness and Rule Twelve. But he didn't care; he just needed the comfort that she could give him. Four years of being friends and still loving her was too long for him.

"You going to kiss me or what, McGee?"

He smirked at Abby's words and closed his eyes, leaning in to kiss her. He felt her arms tighten around his neck, and he smiled as he could feel her breath on his chin. Slowly, he pressed his mouth to hers, his lips kissing her bottom one. He let out a sigh as she tightened around him, clinging onto him for dear life as he kissed her again, this time firmer. Her tongue pressed against his lips, wanting him to open to her, and Tim could never deny what Abby wanted.

Just as the kiss was growing more heated, they both heard the elevator doors open. Without a word, Abby removed her arms from around his neck and went back to her computer. Tim went over to join her, resting his hand over hers. She smiled at the contact, even though their hands broke apart as Gibbs and the Director came into the lab.

Tim and Abby exchanged knowing looks as the former partners kept exchanging looks of their own. Eventually Gibbs plonked the new Caf Pow down on the table and turned to his favourite.

"What have you got, Abs?"

_A case of McGee lovin? _"Nothing yet, Gibbs. Normally you're good about these things, but today you're off." Abby's computer bleeped behind her. "Or, you may just be really early."

Abby turned back to her computer and punched in a few keys. All three agents crowded around her computer. "Picked up the signals on their cell phones, they were trying to hide them but I'm better than they are. They've headed into Maryland, looks like they've stopped at another warehouse."

"Marcus said they still had a shipment to run today. Maybe they're doing it now instead of later," McGee threw out, and the Director nodded.

"We need to go, now!"

Gibbs ran out of the room at top speed before coming straight back in to press a kiss on Abby's cheek. The Director squeezed her arm before heading out after him. McGee knew he only had a few moments before Gibbs would yell at him to come, so he did what he had to do quickly. He was about to press a kiss to Abby's cheek when she gripped his face in her hands and planted her lips on his. When she broke away, she looked upset.

"Be careful, Tim. I have a seriously bad feeling about this, and the last time I had a bad feeling about a case…Kate died."

Tim pressed a kiss to her forehead and moved to leave. "No one is dying today, Abby. I promise you."

He ran out to catch the elevator with the Director and Gibbs, trying to brush past Abby's words. But he had the same bad feeling as she did. Tim just hoped that the powers that be allowed him to come home to Abby now it seemed they were on the road to reuniting.

He also hoped that he only had to attend one funeral in the next week.

X

"We got a location on these bastards. We move, now!"

Gibbs entered the bullpen at such a speed that Tony and Ziva and the other agents assigned to the case didn't even know what had just happened. But they all ran for their gear and headed to their cars, where McGee would give them the GPS coordinates to the second warehouse NCIS would be raiding that morning.

His head was swimming; everything had gone along at such a pace and he wasn't sure if he could keep up with it all. But then he felt Jenny's hands on his back, and he relaxed under her touch. Once this was over, definitely a long dinner. And maybe a long dip in a bath or a hot tub. He turned around to face her, seeing that her green eyes had grown dark. He knew that look, and it never signalled anything good.

"Jethro, I'm coming with you."

"Like hell you are!" The Director was not coming with them. He would be too worried about protecting her, too worried about making sure she was okay. His head was on a bad axis as it was; he didn't need worrying about her on top of everything else.

Jenny glared at him, and he knew he was about to get a lecture about how she was his boss and she could do as she liked. "Jethro, you need all the people you can on this. I am not going to sit home with Abby and wait for you to all come back in body bags."

"I'm not going to come back in a body bag!"

Jenny smiled. "Then I'm coming with you. We have lost another agent, Jethro, and I want to make sure justice is done."

She started walking to the elevator, service weapon on her hip, before he could stop her. Growling, Jethro grabbed his gear and headed off after her. He had a bad feeling about this, and as he got inside, he switched the elevator stop button.

"Jethro, we're in a strict time window here!"

He pushed her up against the elevator wall, knocking the air out of her. She automatically curled her arms around his waist, pushing him to her. His eyes went dark with the possible connotations of what they could do in the elevator if they didn't have some armed bastards to take down. His hands moved up to cup her face.

"Swear to me, swear to me on Paris that you going along is not some attempt to die in a blaze of glory." He saw her eye twitch and Jethro pressed his forehead to hers. "Jenny, I swear to god I will handcuff you to your desk."

She clung back to him, her hands moving to hold his own. "Jethro, there is no time for debate. You can think what you like, but I am coming on this. Too long I've sat on the sidelines; I want to be there when you find the men that took one of our own." She sighed. "And I can't let you go alone."

"I can't let you go at all."

Jenny reached over and switched the elevator on again. She pressed her lips lightly to Jethro's, shivering as she looked at the pain in his eyes.

"You don't have a choice."

X

Guns drawn. Blood rushing in her head. She'd fired her gun a couple of times since she had become Director, but this was something else.

"FEDERAL AGENTS! DOWN ON THE GROUND!"

Gibbs was out in front of the group, she and Ziva were behind while Tony, McGee, Marcus and a few of the other agents they had were spread out or around the back. As they had entered, it was obvious a drug deal was in play. Once they were noticed, the gang dealers and the solitary marine started pulling out their guns and firing back.

One aimed for Gibbs, and Jenny shot him in the throat. Her aim was a little off; she had wanted to go for his head. Her muscles were screaming at her for what she was putting them through, but she persevered. Going on this raid was not the wisest choice she could have made, but she wanted to be out there, getting justice for the agent who hadn't outlived a dying woman.

Jenny Shepard swung her gun up above the railings where she saw a few members of the gang pull out their pieces. Between her and McGee, they managed to get them before they shot into the group of NCIS agents: her employees, her colleagues, her family, her lover.

They were all wearing bullet proof vests, but the bullets were flying thick and fast in the air. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Marcus take a bullet to the chest, dropping him to the floor. His vest would cover it, and Jenny kept moving. Tony took out two guys to the side, and managed to get to the marine who had been dealing drugs.

One of their agents, Agent Wood, fell to the floor, a head shot killing her instantly. All the gang members had hit the ground floor, and after another minute of gun fire, the NCIS agents outnumbered them.

Jenny walked over to Agent Wood and felt for a pulse. She knew there would be none, but she just felt the urge to check. The remaining agents handcuffed the gang members and called for additional units from NCIS and two ambulances. Marcus was breathing funnily, and they wanted someone to take away Wood.

"Sergeant Clark, if you had just been dealing drugs then maybe you would get off with a lighter sentence. But murder? Two NCIS Agents and a marine are dead. The next time we see each other it'll be behind a big wall of glass and you about to get a needle in your arm."

McGee moved away from the Marine, happy with his words. Tony, who was holding his arm after a bullet grazed it, punched him in the face, dropping him to the floor. He smiled at McGee, who exchanged a grim grin. Both walked over to where Wood was lying dead, the Director crouched next to her. They watched as the redhead closed Wood's eyes.

"Let's bring these dirt bags back to the Navy Yard."

Jenny felt Jethro's hand on the small of her back as he led her out of the warehouse. He walked her to his car, and sat her down on the bonnet. They had lost another NCIS agent, but hopefully everything would be okay with Marcus and Tony. They both watched as the remaining NCIS agents dragged the criminals out of the warehouse.

Jenny turned to him, resting a hand on his face, stroking the curve of his slight smile. He looked so worried about her. "See, Jethro? I'm okay, no bullet wounds or grazed knees. This wasn't a suicide mission; this wasn't me trying to go out in a blaze of glory. This was just me, wanting to see justice done. Something I haven't felt a part of for a while."

She was referring to the Frog, and Jethro sighed, knowing that killing Rene Benoit still weighed on her. Despite him having supposedly killed her father, she had murdered him in cold blood. He could see why she would want to feel clean; be someone doing the right thing, the good thing once more.

"We got 'em," Jethro stated, cupping Jenny's cheek. He would never tell her after their conversation earlier, but he was impressed with her. He forgot how much she could hold her own.

The ambulances arrived, and they went in to get Wood's body. "But at what cost, Jethro? We've got two agents funerals to attend." Then there would be the one very soon, her own funeral. Too many people died when they didn't need to. Sighing, she tugged the Velcro strips of the bullet proof vest, pulling the material off of her. She was too hot in it. "I hate these damn things."

"I know - you used to complain all the time. Drove me damn near insane." They turned to see two of the EMTs pushing a gurney with a black body bag out of the warehouse. His breath stopped before he turned to Jenny and reached over for her waist. He rested a hand there, like he used to do when they were partners. No more wasting time. "Dinner."

"Excuse me?"

He raised a hand to her face. "Come to dinner with me tonight. Please, Jen. It's been a hell of a day and it isn't even lunchtime yet. Come to dinner, and let me tell you everything I need to."

She knew she shouldn't. But she was tired of doing things that she was supposed to and all their conversations that morning kept filtering through. She had time, a little, and she did want to spend it with Jethro. It would kill both of them, in her case quite literally, but she believed both of them were tired of being without the other.

"Yes."

She was about to head round to the other side of the car to get in when she heard a noise and looked up. They hadn't cleared the entire warehouse; there was still a lone shooter coming towards them. Jethro hadn't noticed him, and by the time she had started to call out, one of the shooter's bullets had hit her in the abdomen, another bullet hit her in the shoulder.

"JEN!"

He didn't know if it was McGee or Ziva who fired the kill shot, he didn't care as he made his way to Jenny. He pulled off his jacket and pressed it to Jenny's stomach, yelling for the EMTs to come their way. She looked so scared, blood matting in her hair from her shoulder wound. His free hand reached for hers, entangling it tight within his own. She couldn't die, not like this. They had so much to do, so much to talk about.

Jethro pressed his forehead against hers, and her hands covered where his were, gripping onto him as tight as she could. She looked terrified, and he could do nothing to comfort her.

"I love you," she whispered, barely audible in the growing din outside the warehouse. But he heard it, and he watched as his tears mixed with the blood smeared over her chin. She started to close her eyes, and Jethro pressed his hand harder onto her stomach, hoping to keep her awake as long as he could.

_Not like this. Please, not like this. _

X

They were heading to Bethesda in an ambulance, Gibbs holding onto Jenny's hand tightly. McGee was in the car behind them, they needed a security detail at the hospital for her as well as someone to keep Gibbs from being too forceful with the doctors on staff. He wanted her saved; he wanted her alive so they could finish what they started.

They eventually hit Bethesda, where Jenny was taken straight through and into the emergency room. Gibbs and McGee had to wait outside, both not good with waiting. After about ten minutes of no news, Gibbs stormed up to the waiting desk. Jenny's terrified face was in the front of his mind.

"News on Jennifer Shepard, please."

One of the other nurses gave her Jenny's file. She'd been getting treatment at Bethesda it seemed, judging from the size of it.

"Are you family?"

"I'm her power of attorney, please. I'm Leroy Jethro Gibbs, I should be right there." He produced his ID and pointed his name out in correspondence to the paperwork in the nurse's hand.

A door burst open to the side and a team of doctors came through. Jethro spotted her red hair through the mass of white, and saw Jenny being hustled through another set of double doors. He wanted to follow, but McGee held him back. It was only for the sick and the medical professionals. Gibbs would quite happily put a bullet in his foot if it meant he could be with her.

"Sir, she's just gone into surgery. She'll -oh."

Gibbs turned around at the 'oh', wanting to know what could have caused the nurse to make that sound. His eyes burned through hers, and he didn't even bother correcting her over the 'sir'. He just wanted to know what was wrong.

"Sir, you are aware that Ms Shepard has a DNR order in place?"

McGee looked to Gibbs, who wasn't registering anything other than the paperwork in the file. It had her signature on it, and Jethro felt his word crumble. She didn't want to be saved - he knew that a DNR order was a hard thing to sign; there was no chance of life after that. Tim was looking at him with wide eyes, but he couldn't say the words that the young agent didn't want to hear but needed to in order to understand.

The nurse did it for him. "I believe she signed it a month after her diagnosis for Muscular Dystrophy. You're aware of her condition?"

"Yes, I am."

No dinner tonight, no date next week, no last kiss, no last dance, no secretly pushing her up against the elevator wall. Not calling Decker and smiling while his eyes felt pricked by tears. Everything he had built up in his mind over the last three days was now gone, and as soon as she flat lined on the table, she would be too. He didn't want to lose her, didn't think he could lose her now. All he could think of was how terrified she looked as the bullets made her bleed out onto the street, and how she looked so scared of dying.

Jethro didn't even realise he was doing it until he heard the nurse gasp and McGee stumble behind him. He'd ripped up the DNR order, his role as power of attorney allowing him to do so. He turned to the nurse and glared at her, his blue eyes turning stormy.

"You _run_ and you tell them that the DNR order is no longer in effect. _Run._"

He knew he had scared her, and if he was honest he had scared himself as well. The nurse, not wanting to risk anything, ran from the information desk and through to where Jenny was having her surgery. He was now numb. Jethro couldn't hear anything, just the sound of Jenny's laughter in his ears. He couldn't feel anything, just the weight of her torn DNR order in his hand.

"Boss."

He hoped the nurse got there in time; if she didn't there would be hell to pay. He knew Jenny would hate him, that Ducky would probably never talk to him again, but he didn't care. He'd have the time with her, time that was on the cusp of being taken away from them.

"Jethro."

Gibbs looked around at the sound of his name, looked at Timothy McGee who was staring at him like he had gone insane. McGee's hands clenched while Gibbs' relaxed, dropping the order pieces to the floor.

"What did you just do?"

Jethro turned to the surgery area where the nurse from earlier was coming through. She nodded to him, still terrified. He looked back at McGee who was staring at him in horror. "If it was Abby lying on that table, what would you do to have more time with her?"

Tim didn't know what to say, and let his boss continue staring off into the hospital, praying that the Director would make it through. Eventually, before McGee retreated to the waiting room chairs, he finally responded to the question.

"I don't think that's our decision to make."

X

She stirred, and when she awoke, she found herself on plain cotton sheets, in hospital scrubs. It all flooded back to her - she had been shot at the damn warehouse, once in the abdomen and another shot to the shoulder. The pain had been intense, and she had been so terrified. Shock had kicked in, the sight of Jethro's eyes had kicked in and for one moment she had forgotten that this was the death she preferred over the slow painful one in front of her.

But it didn't matter now, she was alive, and she still had the slow painful death to look forward to. There were bandages across both of her wounds, and an IV in her arm. She was in a hospital room looking out over the Bethesda grounds, tucked away in a private corner. Judging by the light outside, it was late afternoon.

A nurse came in, bustling around. There were some flowers already next to her on the table, although she felt too sore to get up and look to see who they were from. The nurse fluffed her pillows and checked to make sure everything was okay.

"You're a very lucky woman; we lost you once on the table."

_Lost_? That couldn't be, that wasn't supposed to happen. If she flat lined on the table they were supposed to do nothing, just let her go. She wasn't supposed to be revived; she wasn't supposed to be brought back. She had done everything she needed to, and although her time with Jethro had been brief, she had said the one thing she had been waiting three years to say. But now she was back, clinging onto life and confined to a hospital bed. Everything she did not want

"I have a DNR order," Jenny whispered, wetting her lips. "What happened to it?"

Another nurse came through the door, this one looking a little afraid. She knew the look on the woman's face; it was the same look that people who had met Jethro wore. But, he wouldn't, he _wouldn't_. He knew she didn't want to go through with a trial to see if she could prolong her life, to go through all that pain over a long period of time. He knew she hated the death that was in front of her.

"Ma'am?" The nurse was staring at her, looking fearful. "I'm so sorry. I was the one who went to the surgeons to tell them about the change in your DNR order. Your power of attorney ripped…he was very forceful that it was void."

Jenny nodded, letting the truth sink in. Jethro had done this to her, had let her live. "Don't worry; I'm not going to sue you or the hospital. You're not to blame. My power of attorney, is he here?"

The first nurse smiled at her, not realising what was going on. "Yes he is. I'll send him in for you."

Jenny nodded, and watched the two nurses leave. Probably a good thing. She heard his footfalls outside the door and she watched as Jethro came in the door frame. He had been crying, but he looked happy to see her lying in the hospital bed, alive. Well, at least one of them was happy with the situation.

"Jen…" he whispered, but this wouldn't be the glorious reconciliation he had probably hoped for. She saw the glass next to her jug of water and threw it at his head. He ducked in time, but the glass smashed against the wall behind of him. "Jenny, I did what I thought was best."

"You didn't do what was best for me; you did what was best for you!" Jenny screamed. "You can't stand the sight of losing me well I'm sorry Jethro, but I'm dying. And instead of dying in the line of duty, I'm going to be in this hospital bed for the next few months getting eaten alive by a disease I can't do anything about!"

There were no words for how angry she was at him. She couldn't even describe how much she loathed his decision. She tore out the IV in her arm and got out of bed, stumbling as she hit the linoleum floor. She had forgotten she had been shot twice and her muscles were on fire. Gibbs moved around to help her but she kicked him away.

"Get away from me! Haven't you done enough already?"

He glared at her, but she wouldn't be intimidated by him. "Jenny, you looked so terrified on that damn ground, what did you think I was going to do? I thought you wanted to live."

She scoffed, looking at him with distaste. "I would like you to find a person who doesn't look scared when they're about to die, Jethro!" She reached up and grabbed the bouquet of flowers that he had no doubt bought her and chucked it at him, Jethro just getting out of the way.

"Jen…Jenny!"

He moved forward to help her again. She managed to get to her feet and she beat her hands down on his chest, socking him in the jaw with one well placed punch.

"How dare you think you know best? I hate you, I hate you!"

"Jenny, you'll pull your stitches out!"

Jethro reached for her knees and picked her up, cradling her as he laid her down on the bed. She kicked him in the knee as he held her, clinging onto her. Her fists still beat him, but he took every jab with grace and holding her tighter to him.

"I hate you. I hate you," she was sobbing in his arms, and it killed Jethro that he had reduced her to this mess. She was still mumbling against his chest, the occasional groan of pain mixing in with the sobs. He kissed the top of her head, listening to her declarations of hate becoming like a mantra between them.

"I love you," he whispered into her ear, holding onto her as tight as he dared. She didn't say anything more, just continued sobbing against his shirt, denied the dignified death she deserved.

Despite the beating, despite hurting her more than she had ever been hurt before, Jethro knew that he had made the right choice. She was alive, and that was all that mattered.


	4. Chapter 4

**Angel of Death by DD Agent**

_I do not own NCIS or any of its characters, or its settings - all belongs to the lovely folks at CBS_

_So many thank yous to everyone who is reading this story, putting it on alerts or just favouriting it. It may have started off with a slow following, but it seems people are really getting into this story! As always, many hugs and awesome points go to those who take the time to leave such lovely reviews: Tony and Ziva Forever, MissJayne, Mrs. Elizabeth Gibbs, LadyJibbs, hopesmom, left my heart in Paris, KSPB and HuddyJibbsAddict - thank you so much everyone! :D_

_So this is the middle chapter of the story, three more to go. I am so hoping my muse keeps going with this story and NCIS in general. Tomorrow, my previous awesome fandom returns from its hiatus, and I don't want to change teams drastically as I am loving NCIS, and I am loving the fandom. We shall see how it goes!_

_As always, enjoy x_

**Chapter Four**

She had refused visitors. She had refused to eat. She had even refused the nurses to come in to check on her, the small protection detail at her door allowing this to happen. Eventually, he'd dismissed them and stood, solitary, outside her door, listening to her sitting behind it and crying. Between breaths he could hear her cursing his name, until he thought she fell asleep.

When he was sure, Leroy Jethro Gibbs opened the door to Jenny Shepard's hospital room. He found her curled up on the floor, her face covered in tears. It had been twelve hours since she had awoken to discover her former lover, and the man she had chosen to be her power of attorney, had disregarded all her wishes and forced her to live.

It had been twelve hours since he had declared his love for her.

"Agent Gibbs? Can we check on her now?"

The nurse who had helped him disregard her wishes came into the room as he nodded. Jethro carried Jenny to the bed, laying her down on the crisp sheets. The nurse, whose name tag read "Callie", checked Jenny over; making sure her stitching was still intact before replacing the dressings on her wounds. Gibbs turned around to face the window, looking out over early morning. The sun hadn't even risen yet.

"You care about her, don't you?" Nurse Callie asked from the bed.

She could see his eyes in the reflection of the glass; saw the pain in those blue orbs. "It doesn't matter."

Once Nurse Callie had finished with the dressing, she put a hand on his shoulder. He looked past her to see Jenny wrapped up tight in her bed. "I understand it's difficult, Agent Gibbs. But no matter how many glasses she throws at you or nasty names she calls you, you can't walk away from her, not after what you did. She deserves better than that."

"I know."

Jethro watched as the nurse left the hospital room, and left Jethro alone with Jenny. He knelt down and ran a hand lightly over her hair. She looked so beautiful when she was sleeping, and he did love to watch her. He knew now she was in bed, he could call her security detail back, then go on to the Navy Yard and wrap up the paperwork he needed to. But Jethro didn't want to leave her side.

"Jenny, oh Jenny." He pressed a kiss lightly to her forehead. "If I apologised would it make things worse?" he whispered to the quiet room. "I told you I love you, and it only made things worse."

He reached down and pressed his hand over hers where it was resting on the bed sheet. "Maybe you don't believe how much I love you? I love you enough to break your heart in order to give us the chance we should have had. I love you enough to break mine for the third time in my life. I love you Jenny, always faithfully."

With another kiss to the top of her head, he moved to the door. As he reached for the handle, he remembered the times in Paris when Jenny had been distant over the work they were doing and faked being asleep. As soon as he reached the door, he knew she was awake, and had been for the whole time. But he kept going, not wanting to see the hate in her eyes where there once had been love.

X

When McGee arrived to take the morning security detail, he had been confronted by the two that Gibbs had previously dismissed. They explained that the Director was not in her room, and hadn't been since Agent Gibbs had left. Instead, the Director had planted herself in a disused elevator close to her room. No one had been able to coax her out of it, and both of the Agents ready to depart for home were hoping that McGee could.

So, after catching up on what else had happened during the night shift, McGee decided to go talk to the Director, despite it being his worst nightmare. They had never been exceptionally close, even when he had been her detail in LA they hadn't bonded. He didn't have the Frog Operation link like she had with Tony; or the friendship in Cairo like Ziva did. So when he opened the elevator door and found his boss crawled in a corner, he didn't know what to say.

"The rest of the security detail has cordoned off this part of the hospital, and the nurses won't talk to the press or anything. Not that they would, they're fairly good here."

McGee stepped into the elevator and sat next to the Director. She looked rough, and in constant pain. She should be in bed, with an IV in her arm but it seemed the pain was the only thing helping her cling on. She motioned to the 'switch off' button in the elevator, and McGee turned the elevator off for her. He smiled as he joined her, cross legged, on the floor.

"You get that from Gibbs?"

The Director snorted. "Nope. It's something he picked up from me when we were partners. How are Tony and Marcus?"

McGee nodded. "They're okay. Marcus was checked out, and he was just in shock. Tony has his arm in a sling and is moaning like he got hit in the chest or something. But that's Tony." Tim coughed, deciding to broach this sooner rather than later. "You should know, Director, that I was there when Gibbs ripped up your DNR. I know that you're dying."

"You didn't think to stop him?"

"He's Gibbs, Director." They exchanged weak smiles. "I don't agree with his actions, but I believe that what he did was out of love, however misguided. What he did, he did it with the best intentions."

"The road to hell is paved with them," Jenny sighed. "I think I need to go back to bed, the nurses will start to get antsy. They were upset about the crying fit I had last night as it is. Can you help me, Tim?"

He nodded and put his arm around the Director's waist. He pressed the on button to the elevator and the doors opened. They walked the short journey back to her room, thankfully removed of all bystanders. Tim helped the Director crawl back into bed, and allowed the nurse to hook up her IV again. McGee looked at the Director, realising he had never seen her look so alone, so small.

"Tim, do you have your Deep Six books around?"

He coughed. "Just the first one is published. I'm still trying to work on the second. I've nearly finished it, I'm so close."

"Do you have it with you? I really liked the first one; I picked it up before I definitely knew it was you. I had my suspicions, but I still enjoyed it."

McGee reached into his bag and pulled out some typed pages. He carried them with him everywhere these days, always looking for a quiet moment to write. "Okay, let's start from the beginning." Tim smiled as he saw the Director's eyes light up at the promise of keeping her mind on something else. "Shall I try and do the voices, Director?"

She snorted as she buried herself into her pillow. "Go on, I need a good laugh. And it's Jenny, Tim. I'm not going to be the Director for much longer."

He tried not to choke up as he began his story and watched as every word affected her. Eventually she fell asleep, and Tim stopped reading. He felt a tear hit his typed pages, but he didn't care. There were things more important than the world of fiction he tried to bury himself into.

X

Every eye was on him as he entered the bullpen that morning, everyone was waiting for him to tell them how their Director was. Cynthia was standing by the bottom of the stairs, crying. Jethro wondered for a moment if she knew about Jenny's illness, or whether she had been keeping it from her.

He didn't have time to wonder as Abby barrelled into his arms, craving a hug. He clung back to her, trying not to reveal how much his heart was breaking. McGee was operating as Jenny's security detail, but Tony and Ziva were still around, wrapping up paperwork from yesterday's operation. The Mossad liaison had been crying; he could see dried tears on her face. Tony's arm was in a bandage, and he was looking at Gibbs sadly.

"How is she, Gibbs?" Abby asked, trying hard not to cry.

He stroked her hair and kissed her on the cheek, trying to allay her concerns. Everyone in the office was staring at him, waiting to hear his report. He took centre stage, still clinging to Abby.

"Director Shepard has been shot twice, but she made it through surgery and is alive. As soon as she's healed, she'll be back to work. Until then, I guess I'm acting Director again." He frowned. "I know we've lost two agents, but let's put those bastards away for a good long time. We can grieve later."

He found Ducky's eyes at the back of the assembled crowd, and saw the slight frown on his face. Jethro wondered if the medical examiner somehow knew he had violated her DNR - he knew about Jenny's wounds and knew that she would most likely have crashed for however short a time on that table. Tony had noticed how he faltered during his speech, but he hoped he chalked it up to his feelings for the Director. That was what Abby seemed to be doing.

As he turned to Cynthia, ready to hear her explain what he needed to do while Jenny was at Bethesda, he heard the elevator doors open. She was in the middle of laying out the game plan when she stopped and looked behind Gibbs.

"Can I help you?"

Jethro turned around and was immediately socked in the jaw. He could hear the agents behind him reaching for their guns, could hear Ducky screaming that it was alright. All he could focus on was the pain as more punches landed on his face and torso. Another sock to the jaw and then he was hoisted up, pressed against the windows of NCIS. He was bleeding from the nose and he was sure he would have a black eye in a few hours. He looked around and saw Abby and Cynthia frozen in fear, and Ziva and Tony so close to firing their guns.

Then there was Ducky, a hand on his attacker's shoulder. "William, that's enough."

Gibbs looked to see the familiar dark eyes, dark hair. But the wide grin, the loyal heart, the strong shoulders were all gone. It was replaced by a man who was already grieving. He briefly remembered hearing Jenny talking to someone during her self imposed isolation - she must have called Will. But before he could ask him, Ducky had quietened down the crowds and led both Will and Gibbs into the elevator. Ducky joined them, and hit the button for autopsy.

As soon as they entered and Palmer had been dismissed, Jethro turned to Decker.

"Will…" Jethro started, but was halted by another smack to the jaw. Ducky then grabbed hold of Will and stuck him in a chair, giving him a glare that Gibbs was proud of.

"Enough. Both of you. I don't know what's going on, but sort it out. You are both too old to be brawling in the damn bullpen!" With a grimace, Ducky swept off into the corner of autopsy, leaving the two men to duke it out verbally.

Defeated, Decker looked at him with such disappointment. "I told you to persuade her to fight, Jethro. I did _not _tell you to violate her damn DNR order!"

The clatter of equipment could be heard from behind them, and Jethro turned to see Ducky staring at him in disappointment, and disgust.

"I love her, Will. I was not going to let another person I love get taken away from me."

Will Decker sighed and moved to squeeze Gibbs' shoulder. The touch was quick and harsh, but it was there nevertheless. Both of them were losing someone they loved very much.

"You've lost her already, Jethro. She's never going to go for the clinical trial in a million years, hell she probably won't even talk to you now! You broke her heart, Gibbs, and that is something that she won't ever forgive."

Will nodded to Ducky as he walked back to the elevator, wanting to leave and calm himself down. Jethro wiped some blood away from his mouth and moved to join him. "It's better to seek forgiveness than to ask permission, Deck."

"Screw your damn rules, Gibbs."

The elevator doors opened to reveal Abby, Tony and Ziva looking at them, concerned. Decker brushed past all three of them and headed into the elevator, ready to go home. Ducky stood behind him, physically upset with what had just occurred. Gibbs turned to see his team staring at him, trying to read between the lines of what had happened in the bullpen.

"What did you do, Gibbs?" Abby asked, looking at him with a tear down her cheek. She recognised the man as the one from the photos, and didn't understand what could have happened between them to cause such a violent reaction.

Jethro didn't respond, just walked up the stairs to get to the bullpen and into Jenny's office. As Cynthia sat at her desk, still shaken by what had happened to her boss, she could hear Gibbs trashing the office. She started to cry.

X

They'd put her in a wheelchair. Jenny was glad to be out in the fresh air, even if it was one of the nurses who was pushing her. Her new security detail was a few paces behind her, McGee having already gone back to the office. She had enjoyed him reading to her, but now she wanted to be alone. After finding a good spot, the nurse left her to look out over the greenery.

"Yo, you're the NCIS Director, aren't you?"

Jenny looked around to see a fellow wheelchair user come up next to her. He was a handsome man around her age with sandy coloured hair and a pale complexion. He was grinning at her, and he held out his hand. She took it with a matching smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"Jenny Shepard. It's a pleasure."

The man shook her hand. "Jason Link, Navy, ma'am. It's an honour."

"So what are you in for?"

Jason frowned and brushed his hair behind his ears. "Got Muscular Dystrophy. Didn't know until I got back stateside, and they've put me here."

She nodded sympathetically, and she heard his faint question about why the NCIS Director now ran the Agency from Bethesda. She knew it was a risk telling anyone apart from close friends about her condition, but she wanted to talk to someone else who had it. She had never met anyone else; she had avoided support groups like the plague, desperate to avoid the whole situation. But she was tired of running.

"Same diagnosis. Got shot as well."

Jason bobbed his head. "Yeah, I heard someone else on the ward has it. Word's also going round that someone's power of attorney violated their DNR. Nurses talk like wildfire amongst themselves, it's easy to eavesdrop."

"That would be me again."

He wrinkled his nose. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise. It's a sign of weakness." Jenny said almost automatically. She heard a snort from next to her and Jenny had to agree. It was such a Marine statement, such a Gibbs thing. It was supposed to mean they had no regrets, nothing worth apologising for, but she knew Jethro had plenty. He was a man full to the brim with them.

They turned to look out over the greenery for a while, taking in the trees and bushes, the few flowers scattered around. Some bugs covered Jenny's arms, and she shook them off, remembering times long ago when she had someone to do that for her.

"So how is your husband taking your diagnosis?" Jason asked, and Jenny looked up at him sharply, wondering if Jason was hitting on her. Then she realised that Jethro must have come off as more lover than employee.

Despite him breaking her heart and betraying her in a way far worse than even her father's suicide had, she still loved Jethro. She wasn't going to run off with a neurologist or a senator, or some JAG. Since the first day she had met him, it had always been him. No matter what, till death did them part. Only thing missing were the rings. She smiled as she looked up at Jason. "Not very well. He's a man of action, doesn't like not being able to deal with a situation."

Jason nodded. He reached into his scrubs and pulled out a photograph. It was of him with a blonde, smiling at the camera with a three year old boy. "That's my wife, Danielle, and our son Joey. She used to disarm IED's in Iraq before she had him. After going through all that, being unable to help me kills her."

Jenny sighed, turning to Jason and noticing how happy he looked. "So why are you smiling?"

The Naval Officer reached into the folder on his lap, kept underneath the blanket over his legs. He passed some papers over to Jenny, and she looked at them. They were scientific papers, lab results, and an acceptance letter into a clinical trial.

"In one month, I am going to be out of here and into a clinical trial. They're using stem cells to replace the damaged cells involved in Muscular Dystrophy. It's a long shot, but it's worth it."

Jenny was left speechless. She didn't know what to say to the man who seemed so full of faith, who had no problems in trusting that he had a future. Jason could see that she was having trouble dealing with the concept of his recovery. He moved through the paperwork and pulled out a holiday itinerary for a cruise that was going around Europe. It was for next summer.

"Me, my wife and Joey are going next year. The Doctors here say I'll have one more summer, but this clinical trial is going to work. On that cruise I'm going to renew my vows with my wife, and I'm hopefully going to be a recruiter for the Navy now I can't be on active duty. I've got it all planned out, ma'am, I'm not going to let this illness beat me."

She still couldn't get over how sure he was that he had a future. Jason reminded her of Abby, of the blind faith that girl had in the world around her. "Doesn't it ever bother you that this is like a million to one shot?"

Jason turned to her. He took the papers off her lap, and rested a hand on her shoulder instead. "Director Shepard, do you believe in God?"

Jenny snorted. "Mother's Catholic, Father Agnostic. When my Dad killed himself and my Mom kept preaching about hellfire of damnation, I decided to be an Atheist."

He nodded, but still kept her gaze. "I don't believe in God, or at least not one believed in by others. I just believe, I just have faith. I serve my country; I love my wife and son. I have faith that whatever power runs the world, I deserve to have a future."

Jenny smiled at him, and he chuckled, happy to have someone to talk to. They listened to the birds sing for a little while longer, before Jason noticed one of the Doctors was watching them. Jenny noticed him too, noticed his sharp gaze, his tall gait. He turned and said something to two of the nurses, before starting to walk over to them.

"Who is that?"

"Doctor Thomas," Jason explained. "He's a little creepy, huh? Good Doctor though. Specialises in our type of cases."

"Those without hope?" She fought a smile and lost when Jason nodded. "I haven't seen him before."

"Well, of course not. To treat you, six different foreign intelligence agencies have to prove he didn't steal a candy bar in the fourth grade." One of the nurses came by to wheel her and Jason back to their rooms. "Semper Fi, Madam Director!"

Jenny smiled as she went back inside, trying to see if she could summon a little faith. It was hard; she had always looked for the worst case scenario. But she did want a future, and despite his actions, she still wanted one with Jethro.

She managed to survive longer without the pain medication that afternoon.

X

Gibbs needed to get out of the office, tired of listening to Cynthia cry and being able to do nothing about it. She was close to Jenny, and Gibbs knew that it would hurt her when she would go. He was already hurting; Decker had given him a black eye, a bloody lip and a sore nose. His chest ached too - the San Diego agent who had hated confrontation had grown up in the decade Gibbs had known him.

"Sorry bout the face, Jethro."

He had picked the lock on Jenny's house and entered, thankful that Noemi had the rest of the week off. But he wasn't alone, and when Gibbs looked up he saw that Will Decker was waiting at the top of the stairs. "Don't apologise, it's a sign of weakness."

Decker smiled faintly as he walked down the stairs to his old friend. "They aren't between friends. Jenny taught me that. And I am, Gibbs, sorry bout everything."

Jethro nodded, reading more into his words than just an apology for the damage to his face. "I'm here to get some things for her. Clothes and books and things."

"That isn't going to be enough for her to forgive you, Jethro."

Jethro moved into Decker's personal space. His old friend looked tired, haunted. He didn't have the energy to get into another fight, didn't want to either. They had said all they had to say earlier that day. Gibbs moved past Will and headed upstairs to one of the cupboards. He found a duffel bag and moved into Jenny's room. He frowned as he saw their dishes from the past evening on the floor, the rubbish bin full of dried tears stabbing him in the heart.

He opened her wardrobe, feeling that he was being watched by Decker. Was he trying to see how familiar he was with the bedroom? He wasn't very. He had been inside a handful of times; he believed both he and Jenny had been in her study more. Rummaging through the clothes, he found some loose trousers and a couple of spare t-shirts that he could throw in there that would be more comfortable than hospital scrubs.

Down the bottom of the wardrobe, he found a bag. He opened it up and inside he found one of his old dress shirts, one he believed he'd left after they'd done security for one of Morrow's functions. There was also one of his old NIS t-shirts, one that he had thought he'd lost all those years ago. He pulled it out of the bag, noticing that there was an old book of his at the bottom. It was buried right at the back of the wardrobe, she must have forgotten about it for so many years.

"Do you need to bring anything else of hers?" Decker asked.

Gibbs tossed both the t-shirt and the book in the duffel bag. "Some books, maybe a spare phone. We had to take the NCIS one, it's got classified numbers on it and we didn't want it to get into the wrong hands."

Gibbs left the bag by his feet and moved over to her dresser. He smiled at the pictures of a young Jenny Shepard playing with her father in the tree house buried in the undergrowth of the back garden, of running along French sand. There were no pictures of her mother up, or her sister. There was a couple of her and Decker, of her friends back when she was an Agent. There was a photograph of them both in Paris, one without a frame. It looked like it had been stared at many times.

"You going to go see her at the hospital?"

"Not sure." Will frowned, his voice trembling. "I don't know if I could see her looking like that. I asked McGee to call in Stan from his assignment in Naples. He should know."

"Never thought they were close. Thought you three were like Tony, McGee and Ziva, always bitching at each other."

Will turned to the photographs on the dresser and spotted one of the three of them. He shared a look with Jethro. "A lot of things changed during our operations in Europe."

He nodded, and opened one of the drawers to shove some underwear and socks inside the duffel bag. He did so with his eyes closed. Gibbs did not appreciate the snort from Decker, and he moved quickly from the dresser to the bedside table. He picked up the book that he and Jenny had shared reading the other day and shoved it inside. He then moved to the floor where she stacked horror novels and tossed a few of them in there. Bourbon and a taste for the creepy - his influence was certainly felt in this house.

"Do you think she'll ever forgive you, Jethro?"

Jethro ignored the remark, not knowing what to say. He hoped she would, but knew it was not likely. He turned to see that despite the anger Decker had shown towards him earlier, all he felt at the moment was sadness for his friends, and sadness that their relationship was over before it really had the chance to begin again. He squeezed Decker's shoulder in response.

When he opened the drawer of the bedside table, he found the usual items: make up; tissues; the spare mobile phone [went straight in the duffel bag] some condoms that were out of date [much to Jethro's amusement] and something right at the back that he couldn't see. He dug around until eventually he pulled out an engagement ring.

"Whoa, is that what I think it is?"

Jethro felt like he had been punched in the stomach. Jenny was engaged, had been engaged? What was this doing here? He hadn't even known she had been dating someone. Maybe Captain Neurologist had given her the ring. But that didn't feel right to Jethro, if she had been engaged to him she would have rubbed it in his face the same time that he had started dating Hollis. They didn't have the healthiest relationship, but when they were together it was magic.

"Did you know Jenny was dating someone?"

"No." He sat down on the bed, staring at the ring. It wasn't fancy, was very plain with a single stone. The men who usually dated Jenny could afford more fabulous accessories, giant stones with platinum bands and high priced engagement parties to go along with them. Not half cut rings buried at the back of a bedside table.

Decker joined him on the bed, trying to think who could have given Jenny the ring. "Do we need to notify someone? The only people I know she's dated have been JAG boy and you."

Gibbs frowned, and like a movie in slow motion he started to remember where the ring had come from. He turned it over and looked inside the band where, underneath the stone, two letter 'J's had been carved by a flick knife purchased because of rule nine. Jethro showed it to Decker.

"Paris."

"Paris," Jethro smiled. He pocketed the ring; smiling at the fact that Jenny had kept the engagement ring she had been given as part of her cover. She had left the wedding ring along with her letter and although he had swore to Ducky and Decker and Burley that the rings had been left behind in their Paris safe house, he had took them back to the States and they were currently in the tool box in his basement.

"I'm going to do right by her, Will. I know no one thinks my decision is the right one, but it is. I promise."

Jethro left with the duffel bag first, and Will sat on the bed. He wanted to clean the house for a bit, wash up the dirty dishes and dust the bourbon. Just as he left the bedroom, he left a photograph on Jenny's dresser. It was from a few nights ago, and it would probably be the last picture of the three of them together; but maybe not.

Gibbs had hope that Jenny would be saved. Will had hope in him.

X

She had gone for a nap, just a way to waste away the afternoon until McGee would come back on duty and he could read her the rest of his new book, and the stuff he was working on for the third one. However, when she woke up, she didn't see McGee or any of the security detail protecting her for the rest of the day. Instead, it was the one man who she had kicked out before, yelled and screamed at. She reached for her water glass and found his hand encircle her wrist with a speed that scared her.

"Play fair, Jen. I come bearing Chinese food. Not nice to hit your guests with glass."

She didn't say anything, just dropped the glass and tried to stop her natural reaction to Jethro's presence. She was still attracted to him, still loved him, still wanted him to hold her as she fell asleep - she just didn't like him at that moment in time.

Jenny sat up and took a box that Jethro offered her. He gave her a fork, and poured her a glass of water. He was drinking water too, wetting his lips constantly for the speech that she knew was coming. That was when she took a proper look at him and noticed that his face was all mashed up, his eye bruised and his lip swollen, and not in a good way. She moved out from under the covers and went to him, her fingers immediately tender over his face.

"Jethro, what happened to you?"

"Decker decided to enact some payback on your behalf." He hissed as she found a particularly sore spot. "Jenny, I…"

"I don't want to hear it. Please, Jethro."

They ate in silence for a while, Jenny's mind torn over allowing him to stay. Her head screamed at her to take the glass and smash it over his head, but she just wanted to bury herself into his shoulder and cry. It was the depth of his betrayal that such a simple action, one that would usually give her so much comfort, was not available to her anymore.

"Don't throw things at me, but I got some things from your house. Spare clothes, books and stuff."

He pulled up the duffel bag and dropped it on the bed. Jenny glared at him, hating that he had rootled through her things. She looked through everything, found her books and some spare clothes. She found Jethro's old NIS t-shirt that had ended up in her things after she had left him in Paris.

"I took back my old dress shirt, but I thought you could keep that."

She threw it at his chest, jogging his Chinese down his jeans. He growled and threw it back at her. "Don't, Jen. I am trying here; I am trying to be here like I said I would be, by your side. And I don't regret what I did, I really don't. Because instead of watching Ducky perform your autopsy I'm having Chinese with you. And that's worth every glass you throw at me."

"To you, maybe." Jenny turned around and pulled off the scrubs she wore, and dropped it to the floor. The NIS t-shirt made it over her skin, and she could feel Jethro's eyes on her the whole time. When she turned around, she saw he was holding something between his fingers. She went pale when she realised what it was.

"Where did you find that?" she asked in a weak voice.

Jethro moved over from his seat and went to sit next to her on the small hospital bed. She sighed as the bed dipped down. His eyes were full of emotion as his fingers slipped the engagement ring over the desired finger. Flashbacks of the first time she slipped it on, the many times she caught herself wearing it in the mirror and smiling filled her mind. She looked up to see Jethro grinning at her, but she couldn't return it. She pushed the ring off her finger but back into the palm of her hand.

"Why did you keep the engagement ring and leave the wedding band behind, Jen?"

She sniffed. "I wanted something of yours- that reminded me of you."

He moved his head to rest his cheek against hers. Both their eyes were open, catching glimpses of the stormy eyes waiting to challenge each other. "You had my heart, Jen. Wasn't that enough?"

"Needed something to replace my own. I left mine with you."

Jethro moved away from her and moved back to his Chinese, dropping something in her hand before he sat down. Jenny looked down to find the tarnished wedding band that Morrow had given her to wear. All three rings had probably been purchased at a pawn shop, shined up by an Agent who had screwed up no doubt.

But to them, they were something precious. Jethro had fake marriages and real rings before. Jenny was his first to have a fake ring, but a real marriage. They were a symbol of something that happened so long ago, but something so perfect. The promise of a future that they still could have together, that despite everything she knew she still wanted.

"I met someone today." She grinned at the flash of jealousy that hit Jethro's face. "He has Muscular Dystrophy too; he's going into a clinical trial. I just couldn't believe the faith the man had, the way he would just believe that everything was going to be alright. I used to believe in my father, in you. But that was all a long time ago. I don't know what I believe in anymore, and if I can even believe in anything at all." She sighed. "I feel like Wendy from _Peter Pan_, told she has to grow up, wanting to grow up and move on but hating every moment of it. When you grow up, you lose your faith."

Jethro put down the Chinese box he had been picking at and moved over to Jenny. He brushed a strand of hair from her face, and pressed a kiss to her temple. A tear fell onto the top of her head when she flinched in his arms.

"I used to read _Peter Pan_ when I was a kid, used to pretend I was a pirate."

"My Dad used to read it to me all the time. For my sixth birthday we were in Naples, and my Mom was in the States so it was just us. He dressed up as Captain Hook and I went as Tiger Lily and we had ice cream by the ocean. I always wanted to be the brave Indian Chief's daughter, running around on ships with handsome pirates."

Jenny smiled as she reached over and touched Jethro's face. He caressed her hand gently, almost afraid to break her. "I want to believe, Jethro. I want to believe we have a future and that the choice you made is right and that I can forgive you for what you did."

She saw his stormy eyes clear, and the message in them just as bright. "You don't have to forgive me, Jenny, just tell me you love me."

Another smile broke through on her face and Jethro clutched at her hand. She noticed he was wearing the wedding band that so long ago they had worn together. "I love you."

"Good." He rested his forehead against hers, his free hand stroking her cheek. "Now, think of happy thoughts, Jen, and then you can believe. What's your happy thought Jenny?"

They shared a smile, before Jenny softly pressed her lips to his. "You. Always you."

X

She was going for a ride around the hospital wards in her wheelchair, McGee pushing her. He'd relieved Gibbs early that morning, finding him asleep in the chair next to the Director. It seemed that the two of them were okay, and hopefully repairing their relationship to what they had been like in LA. He didn't agree with Gibbs' decision, but if the Director could live with it, so could he.

"Everything okay, Nurse?"

Jenny looked up from where McGee had stopped them to see a body bag being carried out of a patient's room. The Doctor, the creepy one who she and Jason had been talking about yesterday, was the one who was supervising the events. Jenny stilled as she saw the body being taken out.

The nurse looked at McGee and Jenny sadly. "Everything is under control, although not everything is alright. It happens with some of the terminal patients - they see no hope and try and find a way out. This patient - we left him in the bathroom for a while, thought he was calling his wife and son. We never suspected anything else."

Jenny swallowed, and felt a hot rush of bile build up in her throat. _No. It couldn't be._ McGee asked the question she couldn't. "Which patient was it? We may have to do a security check."

"Jason Link. I don't think you need to - it's pretty obvious it's suicide. Slashed his own wrists with a razor blade. Couldn't stand it anymore. Some of these patients, they just lose hope."

She gripped McGee's hand and he took her back to her room where she promptly threw up in the bathroom. She looked at her expression in the mirror, looked at her glassy eyes and pale complexion. No matter how many happy memories she had, she still couldn't summon up the faith to believe there was another option apart from dying in her hospital bed, wearing her lover's old t-shirt while he cried over her rotted corpse.

No hope. No faith. No future.


	5. Chapter 5

**Angel of Death by DD Agent**

_I do not own NCIS or any of its characters, or its settings - all belongs to the lovely folks at CBS_

_Thank you to everyone who is sticking with this story, its really sad that there is only two more chapters after this before the end! Its been difficult to write, but good too! Thank you to everyone who reads, favourites and sticks this story on alert. Much love and hugs to the awesome reviews I got for chapter 4 - they were amazing. Thank you MissJayne, left my heart in Paris, Tony and Ziva Forever, Mrs. Elizabeth Gibbs and HuddyJibbsAddict!_

_As always, enjoy x_

**Chapter Five**

Her security detail was waiting outside. They were quiet, as always, not sure what to say to their Director who had always seemed so full of life, and now looked half dead. Jenny didn't know what words she could use to reassure them - any and all platitudes seemed to falter on her tongue. It was why she was staring up at the candles in the Hospital Faith Centre, not sure how she could put into words the requests she needed to ask to a God she didn't believe in.

Jason Link was dead. The man who for one brief day had given her all the hope she needed was gone. The man who had smiled so happily at the picture of his wife and son, who had told her about the clinical trial with such joy, such _faith. _He had given her the belief that she could have a life beyond her illness, that she could finally start a new chapter with Jethro, the fresh start they had been waiting nine years to begin. Now, it was all crumpled dust on the floor of an abandoned Paris safe house.

"Director Shepard?" The redhead looked up to see Nurse Callie kneeling on the floor next to her. Jenny had just collapsed to her shins; she didn't think she could kneel in her condition.

"Jason's wife - does she know yet?" Jenny asked.

Nurse Callie nodded. "She and her son are here now, ready to collect the body. Did you know Jason, much, ma'am?"

Jenny resisted the urge to snort at such formality. This was the woman who changed her wounds, who changed her sheets, who would no doubt see her curl up and die. She felt so far away from her position as Director that she couldn't even summon up the need to be her usual people and political savvy persona.

"He…he was the last person in the world I would have thought would kill themselves. It just seemed so unlike him, the way he was talking…he had such faith in his future."

Nurse Callie smiled at her. "He was the last person I would have expected to as well. But you get it on this ward; we're specifically set up for dealing with patients like that. We've had quite a few lately, Doctor Thomas tries to do what he can but we're still getting patients up their medications, or…what Jason did." She rested a hand on Jenny's shoulder, and she flinched. "If you're finished praying, Director, we should get you back to your room."

Jenny nodded, and let herself be escorted out of the chapel. She had no words to say to whatever held sway in the small room. As they walked back, Jenny sitting in the wheelchair wringing her hands, she looked over the small ward. Hope seemed to be lacking somewhat, especially after the suicide of one of their happiest residents.

At the nurses' station, she saw the friendly nurse who had seemed so pleased to let Jethro into her room, and who had also informed her and McGee about Jason's death. Next to her was Doctor Thomas, looking over a few charts. The room she knew as Jason's was bare.

Something jarred with her about their previous conversation. "Have there been many patients kill themselves?"

Nurse Callie stopped outside her door. "Since Doctor Thomas has started, we've had fewer use their medication as a tool to kill themselves." She sighed. "They just use other means."

The nurse opened the door and Jenny continued to watch Doctor Thomas. For a man whose patient had just killed himself, he didn't look particularly torn or upset. Could he have…? She knew it seemed absurd, but so was the idea of Jason killing himself. She couldn't reconcile the two ideas in her head - he had holidays booked and jobs in motion for when he was well again. Jason had told her to believe in something - well she believed that Jason had been murdered. It was the only option that made any sense.

Something dropped in her lap, and Jenny looked down to see that it was all the information on the clinical trial that Jason had printed off. She looked up at Nurse Callie and smiled.

"Never lose faith, dear."

As Jenny was helped into bed, she thought about how she could investigate Jason's murder; who the possible suspects could be on the ward. She would wait until McGee was back on her security detail, then they could work it out together.

She grinned. The Director was back.

X

All the paperwork had been handed in; the confessions had been got out of the suspects responsible for this week's nightmare and most of their staff had gone home. The two funerals of the NCIS Agents they lost would be held next week, one on Tuesday and the other on Wednesday. Jenny's funeral, or the idea of one, seemed like a distant thought. A very distant thought.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs sat at his desk, sipping his coffee. He was smiling, thinking back on the night before. Jenny still loved him, wanted a life with him. Everything was not lost; he could still make amends to her by taking care of the Agency while she got better, and he could persuade her to join her friend into going on that clinical trial. After she was declared fit and healthy, they could get married. He wanted that, he wanted a chance to be happy and make it real. All his other chances, they had been replacements for Shannon, or in Stephanie's case, Jenny. He wanted a real future.

"Jethro, can we talk?"

Jethro thought he was the only one in NCIS on a Sunday, but he knew a few people were still catching up from the difficult week they had had. Losing two agents and their Director in the hospital took its toll on everyone.

"What about, Duck?"

He saw his old friend's fingers clench, and Jethro hoped he wasn't in for another beating. His face was still sore from where Decker had, quite within his right, punched him. His back was also sore from sleeping next to Jenny all night, but he hadn't wanted to leave her. If he wasn't trying to run NCIS and save the woman he loved, he'd have gone down to Autopsy and napped for an hour.

"You _ripped up _her DNR order?" He had been wondering when Ducky would bring this up. Jethro was grateful to the Doctor that he was doing it when mostly everyone had headed home to grieve and catch their breath. "Jethro, that is…what on _earth _possessed you to be so callous with regards to Jenny? It is quite unlike you!"

Jethro stood up from his desk, and offered the medical examiner his seat. Ducky looked at him strangely while he sat down, and watched as Jethro removed something from his hand and placed it down on the desk. Ducky looked at the band, remembering times of hopes and dreams and two people who had never looked so much in love.

"I thought you said you left it in Paris."

The special agent smiled as he picked up the ring and slipped it on his finger. He'd worn four wedding bands there before; three of them had ended up in different bodies of water. Of all the rings he had worn since he had taken off the one Shannon had placed there, this was the one that felt like it belonged as part of his skin.

"I couldn't, Duck. I'm not afraid to love her, anymore, Ducky; and I'm tired of denying how I feel because it'll be easier. And she loves me too, she told me so herself. We've got a chance, now, Ducky. A chance we never really had before."

Ducky stood up from his desk and put an arm around Jethro's shoulders. The younger man leaned into his embrace. Eventually they broke away, and Ducky leaned forward to smack Gibbs around the back of the head. Jethro smiled.

"Be with her, Jethro. For however long she has, be with her." He smiled sadly. "I knew from the first moment I saw you two that love like yours…it only happens once in a lifetime, to a very few people. Enjoy it."

Jethro watched as the medical examiner and his friend started to walk towards the elevators, going home after one of their longest ever weeks. Just as he got to the elevator, he looked up to meet his eyes.

"I thought you'd be angrier, Ducky. I thought you'd be like Will."

The sad smile was back. "I was shocked at first. But, Jethro, Jenny didn't put me as her power of attorney for one reason. I would have done the exact same thing you did - there was no way I was going to do that girl's autopsy."

He nodded at Jethro before heading inside the lift. Jethro sat back down at his desk and sipped his coffee. McGee would be heading off for his security detail soon, and he'd be visiting Jenny that evening. He was going to bring flowers, books, Chinese…maybe pizza today. He knew how bad hospital food was. He wanted to make her happy.

Running his fingers lightly over the band around his finger, Leroy Jethro Gibbs smiled.

X

Tim McGee had brought a bunch of black roses down for Abby. He was planning to ask her to go to a late dinner where they could discuss where to go next after their kiss the other day. He knew asking about their relationship before had ruined everything, but they weren't two young NCIS employees anymore, looking for a good time between cases. They knew how short life was, now, and how precious and wonderful it could be.

He knew he didn't want anyone else but her.

Entering her lab, he noticed she wasn't immediately around. There was no music playing, and most of the lights were off. Tim looked about, trying to work out where Abby was. He'd texted her before he'd left home, wanting to make sure he caught her before heading off to Bethesda for his security detail. He had the rest of his work in his bag, ready to read to Jenny again.

"Abby?"

"In here."

He moved through into the ballistics area and her office. Abby was sitting down on the floor, holding Bert. She looked up at him, and he saw that her eyeliner was running. She didn't look happy, and Tim wondered if he had done something to upset her.

"Abby?"

"Tim…" Abby looked like she was having difficulty getting the words out. He moved down to the floor and knelt by her. He hated to see her cry. "Tim…do you care about me enough to be honest with me?"

"Of course, Abby. Anything for you." He sat down next to her and pressed his lips to her forehead. She rested her head on his shoulder.

"Then tell me what the hell is going on, Tim. Because it's more than just the Director getting shot. The guy from the scrapbook, he beat the crap out of Gibbs and the boss just let him! And you're on Jenny's security detail, but Tony and Ziva aren't." She trembled as he reached for her hand. "Jenny is…I can't lose her, Tim. She makes our family, and I can't lose anymore family."

"I am so, so sorry Abby."

She started to cry, and Tim wrapped both arms around her, clinging onto her tight. He didn't know what words could comfort her, and he wracked his brain and ran through all the clichés he could think of to help Abby through this. But he realised that sometimes words weren't enough, all she needed was his presence.

"Ducky made me run some blood…the whole situation was really hinky. I went to Gibbs because I thought Ducky was sick, but he wasn't, was he Tim? It's Jenny; she's the one who's sick, isn't she?"

He couldn't lie to her, not when she was like this. Gibbs and Jenny be damned, he loved this woman and he didn't want to keep secrets from her. "Muscular Dystrophy. I don't know more than that, Abby."

The forensic scientist continued to cry in his arms. He clung onto her, wanting so much to stop her crying. A few tears pricked his eyes, but they were more for the loss of something that had never occurred. Tony and Ziva didn't know yet, and he knew they would be just as upset as Abby was. He wasn't, although every day he was starting to realise what a loss Jenny Shepard would be. It was only now that he was starting to have this relationship with Jenny, and so far he enjoyed it. It killed him that it wouldn't be forever.

Suddenly Abby wiped her face and moved up out of Tim's arms and off to her computer. He followed her, watched as she sped through medical websites and journals on the screen, desperate to find an answer.

"Abby…"

She choked, not wanting to cry again. "We've closed our case; I've got no evidence to run. So I've got free time on my hands, and I want to help her. There are _tons _of trials she could get into, she can…she can…" She started to cry again and Tim cuddled her again. "I can't lose someone else, Tim."

"I know, Abby. I know."

Abby continued to type while Tim held her. She printed off a whole sheaf of pages, and turned to Tim. She pressed her lips to his gently, and he responded in kind.

"Promise you'll never leave me, Tim?"

He smiled at her and stroked her cheek. He took out a tissue from his pocket and wiped under her eyes, wiping the tears and black smudges away. "No reason why I ever would, Abby."

They hugged in her lab, happy that they had each other. That knowledge was a little ray of hope that they could cling onto, which was all they needed to get through what was ahead.

X

She knew her security detail changeover periods, and what that meant brought a smile onto her face. McGee was coming. Soon, he would read to her and then she would swear him to secrecy over what had happened with Jason. She knew it was a long shot, and she was probably in denial, but negative thinking had never got her anywhere before. She needed to focus, and to concentrate on Doctor Thomas. Jenny wondered if Tim could hack into the system and get his service record without anyone knowing. Especially Jethro.

"Come in!" Jenny cried, happy for once as someone knocked on the door. She wondered when she should bring the investigation up - maybe if something in Tim's reading sparked an association. Then it wouldn't look like she had been waiting a few hours to have this conversation and start the search for a possible killer.

She looked up at the person who entered and bit her lip. It wasn't Tim McGee; she could see him waiting outside. It was Abby who had come to visit her. Hadn't she told Gibbs that she didn't want anyone visiting her? Or maybe, in her haste to throw things at him, she had forgotten to tell him she didn't want anyone seeing the shell she now was. Abby, Cynthia, Tony and Ziva were off limits. Even Ducky wasn't allowed to come - the next time she saw Jethro she needed to make that perfectly clear.

Still, it was too late now.

"Hi Abby."

Abby swallowed, looking at her with huge eyes full of tears. "You're dying. Of Muscular Dystrophy." Only three men at NCIS knew her diagnosis and knew Abby. She wondered which one of them would have spilled, but seeing the stiff back of Tim McGee, it didn't need much detective work to figure out who was responsible.

Although she hated to say it, Abby's eyes looked like they needed the confirmation. "I am, Abs."

She nodded, and moved forward, swallowing Jenny in a hug. She clung back, and tried not to tear up at the feeling of Abby's tears hitting the top of her head. Eventually the young woman broke the hug and stood awkwardly at the side of the bed. Jenny didn't know what to say to the girl, but then an idea struck her.

"Do you want to go for a walk, Abby?" Jenny smiled a little. "You get to push me in my wheelchair. But no wheelchair races!"

Once it had been all okayed with her security detail, Abby and Jenny went outside. It was a miserable Sunday afternoon, but Jenny was glad of such bright company. Despite the crying, Abby seemed to be happier outside. She was holding her parasol over them, although Jenny wasn't sure whether it could double as an umbrella if it decided to rain on them.

"Here." Abby presented her with what looked like an entire tree of research into Muscular Dystrophy and cures. Jenny smiled at her persistence, and squeezed her hand. "Everything I managed to find. I've got clinical trials in the US, there's one in Switzerland and even a couple in some places I couldn't pronounce. There's also homeopathic remedy recipes in there and some chants and I even managed to get some old healing rituals that I thought could be of some help. Just don't tell Gibbs, he may get annoyed. Don't worry, none of them require human sacrifice. There was one that required a chicken sacrifice though."

Jenny smiled and reached up to hold the girl close, needing the comfort just as much as Abby did. As they looked out over the grounds, in a similar position to her and Jason yesterday, Jenny couldn't help but cling to Abby. She had always wanted a child, always wanted a little someone she could hold onto and love more than anything. She'd never found the right man until Jethro had come along, but it didn't seem to matter anymore. She loved Abby, considered her like a daughter. As Abby rested her head on her shoulder, Jenny knew she felt the same.

She licked her lips, wondering if she should mention it. It was obvious McGee couldn't be trusted to keep a secret, and she knew Abby wanted to help. "Abby, I was wondering if you could do something for me."

"_Anything!_" Abby smiled, happy to be of use. "What do you need? Chocolate, bourbon…I could lend you Bert! I'll come tomorrow and I'll bring you Bert. He always helps me when I'm sick. Of course when I'm sick I usually only have the flu. But still, he'll help!"

Jenny clasped the girl's face in her hands and leaned up to kiss her forehead. She was so sweet. "I need you to check out something for me. Just like when you ran those prints on the bottles."

"So don't tell Gibbs?"

"Not yet, not until I know I'm not just imagining things. I need you to run someone's record, a Doctor Thomas. Check for any abnormalities at the other hospitals he's worked at."

She noticed that the man she was investigating had entered the grounds, checking on a few other patients who had gone outside. Jenny watched him and the three nurses, one who had been with him earlier, talk to the other patients.

"Are we looking for something hinky?"

She stared straight at Doctor Thomas and he looked back for a moment, before turning away from her harsh gaze. "Oh yeah."

X

The lights were on in Abby's lab when he went down, which surprised him. He hadn't expected her, but he had bought a Caf Pow anyway, knowing he could always stick it in her fridge if she wasn't around. But she was, next to two empty boxes of tissues and in front of what looked like a huge security search. Her music was loud, screaming. He had to turn it off to get her attention.

"What's up, Abs?" Gibbs asked, wanting to know about the search and the large amount of tissues she had amassed. He hadn't seen her since Decker had beaten him up, had in fact been avoiding her since.

"Jenny's going to be okay!" She turned around to him and gave him a chest crushing hug, before kissing him on the cheek. "She's going to be fine, Gibbs."

He knew danger alarms when he heard them, and he wondered if he needed to sit down with McGee and have a long talk. He had wanted to keep Jenny's illness on the down low until it resolved itself - he didn't want SecNav or any of the other agencies getting wind of it. The fact that McGee knew made him grit his teeth - that was something that shouldn't have happened.

"Well of course she'll be, Abby. Just a couple of bullet wounds, she's come out of worse." She had, too. She'd been shot at several times in their missions in Europe, and she'd come through it with no medical attention other than Ducky's skilled hands. She was at Bethesda, she would be fine. For the bullet wounds.

His hope that Abby didn't know was ruined when she smacked him on the back of the head and stalked around the control tower in her lab. "I know, Gibbs! I know about Jenny's illness, and I know that she's dying but I also know that she's going to be okay!" She grinned before yanking Gibbs' hand up, examining the wedding band on his hand. "_GIBBS! _Do not tell me you got married in the last day, and didn't even _invite _me!" She paused. "Who did you marry, anyway?"

His girl could talk for the Olympics, and Gibbs wasn't sure whether he had completely caught up with the whole of the conversation. "Abby, slow down! Go back, and fill me in."

She took his hands and put him on one of her stools. She waved her hands around like she was about to present something important. "Jenny is dying, but she's going to be okay. She's going to go into a clinical trial."

He grinned, wondering what had changed overnight. Maybe his girls had had a long talk, and he would be able to start planning things properly. Like actually getting proper furniture for his house. "She say that?"

"Nope, but I'm very persistent. She will be saved, we have the technology!" She grinned at him. "So, Gibbs, tell me what you know. All of it. Including why you got decked by Decker yesterday, and why you're wearing a wedding ring!"

He stood up and kissed Abby's forehead. "Okay, here it is. Jenny has Muscular Dystrophy. I found out when we went to LA. I've been trying to persuade her to…get back together with me." He rolled his eyes at how happy Abby looked.

"So did you two get hitched? Is this like some hospital marriage? Doesn't explain why I wasn't invited Gibbs."

He chuckled. "We're not actually married, Abby. These are the rings we used in Europe undercover, it just seemed right to wear them."

Abby nodded, thinking the rings were sweet. "So why did Decker hit you?"

"Jenny had a DNR order in place. I ripped it up."

Abby reached over and hugged Gibbs tight. He had to push the young woman away so he could breathe. "Oh Gibbs! That must have been a horrible decision to make. But you made the right one, because we can save her, we can get through this and be a family, stronger than before! If she survives the hinky guy at Bethesda, of course."

He hadn't expected that. "Hinky guy at Bethesda?" He was almost growling. What guy at Bethesda? If that Doctor Todd was anywhere near Jenny, he wouldn't be responsible for his actions.

Abby nodded and turned to her computer screen. "Doctor Julian Thomas. He specialises in degenerative diseases. A lot of his patients have been killing themselves lately."

"Obviously not very good at helping them out."

The forensic scientist threw him a grin, one that he had seen many times before when a concept excited Abby. "Or maybe he's killing them off. Angel's of Death are very big right now in the Serial Killer market, Gibbs."

He was going to see Jenny in a few hours, and have a long talk with her about what Abby was spouting. In the mean time, he just had to pray that her security detail were good, and she was reading into things that weren't there.

X

She was looking out the window, wearing her FLETC t-shirt when she heard the door to her hospital room open. McGee had read a little to her that afternoon after Abby had departed, but she had fallen asleep again. Ever since that morning, when she finally had a focus other than putting her affairs in order before dying horribly, she felt good. Stronger. It could be the medicine helping her body fight the bullet wounds, but she believed she was finally getting a little faith.

"Abby knows."

"Abby visited." She looked over her shoulder to see that Jethro had arrived bearing pizza. Her mouth watered. The nurses had chastised him yesterday for bringing take out into the hospital, but she was the Director of NCIS - she could honestly have whatever she liked and pepperoni pizza was much better than whatever they served at Bethesda.

Jenny moved from the window gingerly and sat down on the bed. Jethro took the chair and opened the pizza box in front of her. He handed her a slice and ate one of his own. He then passed her a can of some disgusting fizzy fruit punch. She poured herself a glass of water instead, teeth clinking against the glass.

"How you been today?"

"You remember that guy I was telling you about yesterday?" Jethro nodded, taking a drink of his own fruit punch and wrinkling his nose. She passed him her water. "He died today."

"Nurses say he killed himself."

Jenny raised an eyebrow, surprised he had been checking up on the goings on at the ward, and surprised that he had even thought to. Abby must have told him about her theories. She should have realised that their girl couldn't keep anything from her honorary and adopted father. She let out a smile as she thought about how Abby was their daughter. They couldn't have created a daughter more wonderful.

"You think he was murdered."

That was why she had wanted some time to get her theories tested before she brought it to him. He was cynical at the best of times, but she also knew he was easily suspicious. "Is that a crime? Nurse Callie says a lot of patients have been killing themselves in gruesome ways rather than upping their medication recently."

Jethro sighed and leaned over, gripping both of Jenny's hands. "Jen, the typical MO for an Angel of Death is killing them through medication, through overdosing. If people are slitting their wrists rather than taking too many pills, then the MO doesn't match. What's the motive?"

It felt like they were back being partners, sitting at their desks in the bullpen and running over cases while eating take out. Jenny moved back from Jethro and reached for another slice of pizza, grinning. It had been too long since they had been like this.

"Typically, Angel of Death motives are either financial or misplaced morals. There was a guy in the UK that killed patients after they'd put him into the wills. But these are Navy officers, or marines, or dependants - they don't have a lot of cash to splash around."

Jethro ate another slice of pizza, moving his feet up to rest on Jenny's bed. She tickled his ankles, and he tried to resist kicking out like he had done years ago. "So if it's not financial, they're doing it as mercy killing? Surely they'd just up the medication then, Jen. If it's to spare them a horrible…" He tried to stop the words, not wanting to remind either of them of what could lay ahead for her. "Why kill them that way?"

"Maybe it started out as mercy killing. Maybe it's now a serial killer hiding in plain sight, getting their rocks off that way instead of killing random strangers out in the real world."

Jethro nodded. He really didn't want to discuss this with Jenny any longer. He wanted to spend some time with her instead. He was glad to see that her friend's passing hadn't changed her, hadn't made her not want to be around him. Instead, she just seemed consumed by something else that brought out the sparkle in her eyes. However, he'd have to make sure that it didn't go too far.

"Be careful, Jenny, please?" He passed her the information that Abby had given him. He'd told the forensic scientist he would give it to her, although twice he had nearly dumped it. Back at home, changing his shirt, he had nearly set fire to it.

She shuffled over the bed and pressed her lips to his. He tried not to get too intoxicated in the kiss, although he was getting turned on by how in charge Jenny appeared. She didn't seem to want to die anymore, wasn't even letting it slip under her skin. She was back to her old ways, the way she had been before her illness had changed her. As they kissed, his hands slipped under the t-shirt she wore and she moaned into his mouth.

"We're going to be together, Jethro, I swear." She ran her thumb over his lip. "Jason's death, it knocked me, but I'm back, Jethro." She kissed him again, biting his lip lightly. "Do you want me?"

He growled against her. "Always, Jen. I just…"

"Sssh…" She put a hand over his lips. "Just kiss me."

He nodded and leaned into kiss her, the pizza and the security detail outside forgotten. Everything would be okay, he believed in that now. He believed that Jenny would get through this, and that he could finally start planning a future that had been a forgotten dream for nine years.

Somehow, they ended up on her bed. She was resting on top of him, her hand running down the fabric of his shirt. He could see her bandages through her t-shirt, and was trying hard to avoid hurting her. As she leaned down to kiss him, he pressed a hand into her hair, pulling her closer. Jethro never wanted to lose the sensation of being kissed by Jenny Shepard, of how she felt underneath his hands.

"I love you, Jenny."

She buried her face into the crook of his neck, nibbling at his collarbone. He groaned at the sensation, and he could feel himself growing harder at the knowledge that they shouldn't be doing this, at the idea that they were an item again. He and Jenny, hearts reunited.

"I love you, Jethro."

He kissed her again, and then held her as they lay together on her hospital bed. He never wanted to let her go, and if he had his way would never let her out of his sight again. Just as he was about to lean down for another kiss, his phone rang. Another case, another crime scene. Jenny sighed as she realised Jethro had to go, but reached for his hand and squeezed it tight.

"Go, I'll be here. Go catch the bad guys."

Smiling, he kissed her goodbye before stealing another slice, and headed out the door. Jenny laid against the pillows, grinning at her swollen lips. Everything would be okay; she had faith that things would work out for the best - the world owed her and Jethro that. Turning to the pile of paperwork, she started looking at Doctor Thomas' file. She wondered what dark secrets he was harbouring, and whether one of those has led to Jason Link's death.

X

_His_ desk was the same, but the other three - they were different. Very different. The one on the far right didn't have the masses of family photographs that Will had littered his desk with. The retired agent had even put up a Jurassic Park poster there that Jenny had given him for his birthday.

The desk that had belonged to him, the one closest on the right was littered with magazines and rolled up paper balls. He had always been looking over articles from politicians, trying to keep up with what was going on in the world he had left behind. He did have that same swimsuit issue, though.

The desk that had been Jenny's was the one with the most change. She had never had family photographs or posters or magazines. Behind her she had pinned photographs of the bastards they had never caught, which by the time he and Decker had started working with the pair, was only two. There had been a few photographs of old friends up on the wall, and what looked like a Christmas photograph of her and Gibbs. He had teased her shockingly when she had put that up.

But the boss' desk remained the same. What a surprise.

"Hey."

Stan Burley, back from a six month assignment to Naples, turned around to see Will Decker. He hadn't seen him since 1998, since the entire team had been broken up after their Europe operations. Gibbs had returned to DC after going on another operation in 1999, but he hadn't seen Decker again. He'd seen Jenny on television, talking about NCIS, but he hadn't seen her in person. She had moved him off being Agent Afloat though, for which he was very grateful.

"You look good, Deck," Stan smiled, patting Will on the shoulder. The two of them had always picked on each other, but when they had gone to Europe they had become close. They had become partners, and had relied on each other. They'd shared gossip; they'd shared beers while observing terrorists. It seemed a lifetime ago.

"Retirement will do that to you. How are you, Stan? Back in Naples, I hear."

"Yeah, it's been good." Stan tried not to get angry at the small talk - he knew he couldn't go right out and start asking questions about what had been going on. But he wanted to know what was happening with Jenny, and whether he was going to another funeral soon.

Will put an arm around Stan's shoulder as they looked out over the desks. They could see the ghosts of times long past being played out like an old film. Jenny and Gibbs exchanging looks, trying to hide their attraction, even from each other. Decker smiling in the corner, hoping that this job would be better than San Diego. Stan, the probie, trying to get a hand on everything and being yelled at by the cute evidence technician. Ducky relaying another story as he announced the cause of death, and Morrow watching the new MCRT from the catwalk, a smile as he wondered whether he had made the right decision.

He wasn't a ghost or a memory, but he was observing from the catwalk anyway. Tony DiNozzo was no fool, he knew something was wrong. He watched the two men, one he knew, watch the desks and exchange words. He saw Gibbs enter the bullpen, having received Tony's call about a case. He hugged Burley, and shook hands with the man Abby informed them was called Decker.

"What do you think is going on?" Ziva asked from behind him. He turned to see her, smiled faintly at her.

They both watched the scene unfold below them; the three men looking out and remembering. Tony wasn't going to beg for answers, but he hoped that he deserved more from both Jenny and Gibbs than being kept in the dark. He rested his hand on the railings, and shivered when Ziva put hers atop of it. They exchanged looks, concerned.

"It's a gathering of old friends."

"For what purpose?"

It tasted bitter in his mouth, but he knew it to be the truth. "A funeral."

X

She was in pain. That was the thing she was most sure of when she woke up from her sleep. Jethro had gone to deal with his case and she had read for a while before she grew tired. She gave the rest of the pizza to her detail before turning off the lights and tried to sleep. Now she was awake, a mere couple of hours after she had fallen asleep in the first place. And she was in pain, stinging pain. And her sheets were wet.

"Shit!"

She tried to get her brain into gear, tried to call the nurse so they could change her dressing. She must have pulled out her stitches after kissing Jethro earlier. Jenny knew that had been stupid, but she needed his touch, wanted him to know she was planning on having him in her life. Now she knew that faith was something that she could have.

Switching on the lamp next to bed, she managed to find the button to alert the nurse. That was when she noticed that there was blood on the lamp, and that the stinging pain was not where she expected it to be. Looking down, she saw that there were several shallow but bleeding cuts across both her wrists.

Jenny started to scream.


	6. Chapter 6

**Angel of Death by DD Agent**

_I do not own NCIS or any of its characters, or its settings - all belongs to the lovely folks at CBS._

_I know its been a long time coming, but here is the new chapter of _Angel of Death_. The final chapter will be up next week, eeek! Thank you for everyone who hasn't forgotten this story, and who has been desperate for an update! Huge thanks and hugs to HuddyJibbsAddict, left my heart in Paris, MTGZ, KSPB, MissJayne, Tony and Ziva Forever, Mrs Elizabeth Gibbs, JibbsShipper and Kari-Kateora for reviewing chapter five. You're all awesome! _

_Hope you enjoy!_

**_Chapter Six_**

His heart was beating in his ears as he raced through the halls of Bethesda. He didn't know what was going on in his mind, just sure that he needed to get to Jenny as quickly as he could. The security detail he had left in place to protect her stopped him at the end of the corridor, and told him that he had to wait until they got the all clear from the doctors to let him through. But Jethro didn't want to wait, he _needed_ to see her.

He needed to see if what they were saying was true.

"Jethro," Stan patted his shoulder and forced him into one of the horrible plastic seats in the ward. He didn't want to sit there; he wanted to be with her, shake her, find out what the _hell _was going on with the woman he loved. "Give them some space, we'll see her soon enough."

He managed to nod, and leaned back in one of the seats. His hands wrung themselves over each other, and he failed to settle himself. The call still rang in his ears. The idea that Jenny had tried to kill herself seemed unnatural to him. But Jenny had been sure her new friend couldn't have done it either. Maybe the night before was her final goodbye before removing herself from the world that had turned its back on her.

"Gibbs." Tony's voice was somewhere above the din of his own thoughts. "Please tell us what's going on."

He woke up, finally. He turned to see who was there, and saw that his team had arrived on the scene, including Ducky. Jethro turned to him, hoping that he would have the courage to tell his team what he could not. It seemed that Tony and Ziva already knew that something was wrong, but didn't know all the facts. Tears were streaming down the Mossad Officer's face, and Tony looked like his world was crumbling. As his gaze switched to the medical examiner, so did theirs.

"Jenny has Muscular Dystrophy," Ducky declared. Abby, standing by the nurses station, let out a sob. McGee immediately put his arms around her. Ziva and Tony just looked confused. "She…her muscles are failing her. She doesn't have a lot of time left."

Ziva nodded, still crying. She slowly sat on a plastic chair, resting her head on Jethro's shoulder, looking for comfort. He put an arm around her, trying to get the same comfort for himself. "The disease…I've heard of it. It's hereditary. Jenny's grandmother had it."

That was news to most of the people in the room, especially the men who had known Jenny the longest. Jethro held Ziva closer, not sure what else to do. Abby was still being swallowed by McGee, and Tony was standing still, not sure what to do with his hands. Will Decker walked over to him and offered his. Tony looked glad for the contact.

"I'm Will Decker, used to work with Jenny and Jethro back in the mid nineties. You already know Stan." Tony smiled and shook his hand. The shake turned into a hug, and Tony gripped the man he had never met before. It just seemed natural to be clinging to someone.

"Good to see you Stan," Abby murmured from her place in McGee, and Stan gave a little salute at his favourite forensic scientist.

The security detail in front of them conferred with the doctors and nurses coming out of Jenny's room at the end of the hall. One of the agents, Agent Root, came over to them and went straight to Jethro. The older agent ran a hand through his salt and pepper beard, and turned to him gravely.

"They seem to think that Director Shepard tried to kill herself. They haven't found the blade she used to slit her wrists yet, but they're searching for it. Her wounds have been dressed; the staff shrink from NCIS has been called. She's ready to see you if you want to see her."

Jethro nodded, and handed Ziva over to Stan. He put an arm around her, trying to give her some comfort. Two generations of teams clashed together as Jethro walked the white corridor to see Jenny, to see whether she had tried to give up on everything waiting for her in cheap plastic seats. They watched as the defeated man rested his hand on the door knob, and they all turned away as he went inside.

X

The sheets had been freshly changed, the previous ones having been covered in blood. Her medication had been upped, but the device where she could up it herself had been removed. She was on official suicide watch, and Jenny had never felt more like blowing her brains out. Because although she had wanted something other than lying in a hospital bed for the rest of her days, she hadn't tried to kill herself.

She considered this to be a warning by Doctor Thomas. She was on his case, and he must have seen her research when she had fallen asleep. The missing files were proof of that. Now if she could only persuade Jethro and Tim that she hadn't tried to kill herself, then they could investigate the possible psycho treating patients on the ward.

Jenny ran her fingers through the ends of her tangled red hair, and watched with a hesitant expression as the door knob to her hospital room turned and someone entered. She felt her heart leap as she recognised the fingers and features of Leroy Jethro Gibbs, her partner and the man she loved. But as she looked up at his face, she realised that the feelings were less than mutual.

He stood at the foot of her bed for what seemed like hours, neither of them sure what to say. She had had a speech all planned out in her head, telling him how she hadn't tried to kill herself and that he shouldn't believe such lies. But with him in front of her, the words wouldn't come.

"Was last night your last goodbye to me?"

She could barely hear his words, so Jethro repeated them. When he did, Jenny realised what he must think. The night before hadn't been her last moment of happiness with him. It had been the first of many similar wonderful nights to come.

"You really think that I would try to kill myself, Jethro?" Jenny asked, pulling herself from under the sheets and standing on her own two feet. Her entire body hurt, but she wasn't going to lie in her death bed and have this argument with him.

He growled the words back to her. "Can you really expect me to think anything less? After everything you've said and done this last week, you _honestly _expect me to think you didn't drag that knife over your own wrists?"

Jenny slapped him, hating him in that moment more than she had ever done. "You know me, Jethro. You know me better than that!"

"You went on that damn raid in the hope you would get shot. You've been looking for an out for too damn long! I'm just surprised you went for something so brutal."

Jenny felt her body grow weak, so she sat down on the bed. She looked up at Jethro, her bandaged wrists resting on her knees. "You really don't know me, do you Jethro? After all this time, after all we've shared and you have no clue who I am."

He banged the wall next to the window, the panes of glass reverberating in their little pockets. Jethro's eyes were on fire, the pain in his face immeasurable. Jenny didn't know how they were going to come back from this. She didn't know if it was even possible for them to go back to what they had been after this conversation.

His next words proved it. "You didn't tell me anything about your father, anything about the Frog. Hell, you didn't even tell me that your grandmother died of the same disease that you've got! How am I supposed to trust you when you tell me so little? How am I supposed to think I know you when I find out things that change all I know?"

Jenny stood up again, pushing herself into his face. "Really? You want to play that card? That is how I felt when I found out you had a wife and a child. That is how I felt when I discovered you had an entire life before we met, something that had changed you so completely, that still haunts you. Now you know how it feels to have someone keep something so big from you."

"You've always known who I was, Jen, and how I felt about you. You've kept so many things from me. You didn't even tell me you were sick, dammit!" He sighed. "I don't know you."

Jenny snorted. "I've kept so many things from you? Really? Of the big things, of the _big _things, I've only kept three things to myself. My father, my illness." She paused. "And my refusal to kill any more people." Jethro turned to her, confused. "Our last Op in Paris, I didn't kill my target. I got close, but I bottled it and left."

His eyes drew up in alarm. "_What_? You told me you made that shot. You told me you killed her. I would have gone back and covered for you, I'd have killed her for you. Instead you lied, and put all of us at risk? There is a terrorist out there that knows your face, Jen! How could you be so damn stupid?"

"Like it'll make a difference anymore anyway!" Jenny yelled, pushing him in the chest. "I was standing there, in that rain and I couldn't make the shot. Anatoly was the danger, _she_ wasn't. And after two years of assassinating arms dealers and terrorists and serial killers throughout Europe I'd had enough. I'd had enough of killing. That's why I left you. Because I got a job offer that could lead me to being Director and I'd never have to take another shot like that again."

Jethro turned to the window. "You've killed a lot of people, Jen."

"Never without a reason. If you think about it, the only people who I killed were people who had hurt me, or had hurt those I loved." She sighed. "You remember that first time we met, Jethro? The first man I ever killed had a gun pointed at you, was about to kill you."

Jenny rested a hand on his shoulder, before crawling into bed. She sighed, and pushed the sheets up to her neck. "You can scream to the heavens that you don't know me, that I'm not the same person. Well let me simplify matters for you, Jethro. My name is Jenny Shepard. My father was murdered by an arms dealer. I'm the Director of NCIS, in the position to stop more daughters becoming the same. And I'm in love you, I've always been in love with you, and I will be until the day I die."

Jethro left the room, slamming the door behind him. She didn't think she was going to get any help with Thomas, and now she had nothing to defend herself with. Along with the paperwork about his previous work, something else had been taken.

The knife Jethro had bought her so many years ago was missing too.

X

"Do you want a cup of coffee?"

Will Decker looked up from his spot on Jenny's sofa and smiled at the woman. He didn't know her name, but she was beautiful. Age appropriate, with the prettiest corkscrew curls and a stunning smile. He ripped his hat off his head and smiled back at her. She looked like she had been crying, and Will pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to her.

"I'll trade it for a cup of tea."

The woman nodded and left Jenny's office. When she came back, she was carrying a small pot of tea with two cups and a plate of biscuits. He immediately went for one of those, and then used his other hand to shake hers and offer her a place on the sofa. She looked like she wanted to talk.

"My name's Will. I used to work with Jenny when she first started at NCIS." He poured them both a cup of tea, and handed one to her. "You close to Jenny?"

She nodded. "I've been her assistant for a long time. I worked in MTAC for a few years, and one day I helped Director - I helped Jenny find some files she had been looking for. She offered me the job as her assistant - it would be a serious pay rise and I'd get to work with her directly. I'd been following her career for quite some time, and I couldn't refuse." She brushed some hair behind her ear. "I'm Cynthia, by the way. Cynthia Sumner."

He gestured for Cynthia to drink more of her tea, and he took some of his own. "You know, Ducky always used to make me tea when I worked here. When we were in Europe, I'd always make a cup of tea to soothe me. Just seemed to warm me up and make me think that everything was going to be okay."

Cynthia's smile faded. "But it's not going to be okay, is it? Because Jenny's dying. I've had to fill her prescriptions, make her doctor's appointments. Just stand there and do nothing. It's not my place to sit her down and ask her to save herself."

Will could hear the sounds of Jethro and Stan coming up the stairs. After talking to Jenny, Gibbs had asked both of them to come back to her office to talk. Will reached over and squeezed Cynthia's hand, and she clung back.

"Thank you for the tea, Cynthia."

He couldn't say anything more to her. The door to Jenny's office opened, and Jethro and Stan came through. Cynthia took her cue, squeezed Will's hand again and left. Jethro ignored the tea on the tray and headed to Jenny's drink cabinet. He passed Stan a tumbler of bourbon, and gave one to Will who dumped it in with his tea. A glass of bourbon stood with a gutted Jethro as he looked out onto a rainy Washington DC, as if the capital was mourning the loss of Jenny Shepard as much as he was.

"You remember that op we worked in Paris before Jenny left, Deck?" Jethro asked the pair sitting on the sofa.

Will nodded. "Arms dealer and his girlfriend. I provided the info, you provided the execution. Was a very depressing operation, we all got shot at on that op."

Stan turned to his old teammates, confused. "Where was I during this?"

"It was after you screwed up in Naples the first time, and Morrow brought you back," Decker explained. "But this is ancient history, Gibbs, why are you bringing it up?"

Jethro sipped at his tumbler of bourbon before downing the harsh liquid in one. Stan and Decker exchanged danger looks as their former boss reached over and refilled the glass once more. After his second, he slammed the tumbler down on Jenny's desk.

"Jenny didn't shoot her target. She's still out there. I need you two to track her down, and do what Jenny couldn't," the anger in his voice was enhanced by the bourbon he had just inhaled, but Will was still worried. This couldn't be the same man who the other day had expressed his love for the troubled redhead who seemed so lost.

"She was having trouble in that mission. I think she was getting tired of killing people," Will murmured, polishing off Cynthia's tea.

Stan shook his head. "She had no trouble pointing a gun at me in Naples."

Jethro smiled from the other side of the room, something Jenny had said coming back to him and making him smile. "That's because your actions meant I got shot. She had no problem protecting those she loved."

Will stood up and rested a hand on Jethro's shoulder. "What did you and Jenny talk about?"

"Mostly about how we're in love with people we don't really know," Jethro admitted. He reached for the bottle again, but Will got there first. He twisted the lid back on and tossed it to Burley, who caught it like a pro.

Stan put it under a pillow as he walked over to the two of them. "You honestly don't believe Jenny tried to kill herself, do you Gibbs?"

Jethro snorted from her desk. "You honestly don't believe that there's an Angel of Death stalking Bethesda and ripping up people's wrists, do you Burley?"

"I do."

The three men turned to the sound of Ducky entering Jenny's office. He had some reports in his hand, and he walked in with a purpose. The men cleared around to Jenny's side of the desk and let Ducky display his findings. They were photographs of Jenny's wounds before they had been bandaged. Jethro turned away from them, not wanting to look. Will turned sadly towards Ducky. Where had his faith gone?"

"Abby told me of Jenny's suspicions, and I wanted to have a look at her wounds. They were definitely made by a knife, perhaps even Jenny's," Ducky began. "But look at them. When someone tries to kill themselves, the wounds are deep, gouging, and straight."

Will picked up the photographs, feeling a chill run through him. He missed this, solving crimes and working alongside Ducky, Burley and Gibbs. And Jenny. He missed her most of all. "The wounds don't look deep. And they're not straight, either, they look like slashes."

Ducky smiled. "Indeed. The wounds weren't fatal. They were flesh wounds that bled a lot but didn't hit any major arteries. There are no hesitation marks either. The angle of the wounds suggests that the person behind them was cutting away, rather than in. These wounds weren't intended to kill, and these wounds weren't made by Jenny."

Jethro looked up from the window and turned to Ducky. His mind was on overdrive, and the previous conversation was put aside by the simple notion that made his heart crawl into his throat.

"Jenny's in danger."

X

She had been crying most of the afternoon, thinking about her fight with Jethro. It was stupid that after the wonderful words they had shared they were back to being at odds. She had never had so many regrets in just a week alone. She should have never let Jethro into her hotel room that night in Los Angeles. She should have kissed him goodbye at the door, and carried on this path alone. Then she might be dead, having the hero's death she felt she had earned.

"Look what state you got yourself in now, Probie."

It wasn't Jethro's voice, and he was the only one who had ever dared call her Probie. As she looked out from under the sheets, she saw that she was no longer alone in her hospital room. Mike Franks was at the foot of her bed, sitting in the chair that Tim and Jethro had spent long hours in. He threw a box of tissues at her, his attempt at being chivalrous.

"Mike? What are you doing here?" He didn't answer; instead he brought out a bottle from under his jacket. Jenny licked her lips. Mike filled one of her water glasses with it and passed it to her. "God bless you, Mike."

He titled his glass in her direction. "No blessing needed. You look like hell, Director."

Jenny realised she must. Her eyes were red, and felt swollen. Her hair was tangled in knots from too many restless night's sleep. The last night she had slept well she had spent in Jethro's arms.

"You didn't answer my question, Mike. Why did Jethro call you in?"

Mike pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He tapped one out of the pack and brought out a lighter, lighting the small white stick and inhaling the fumes with a smile. Jenny shifted on the bed and put her hand out for one.

"Didn't know you smoked."

She smirked. "I'm dying; I don't think there are any restrictions on me. Now give me a goddamn cigarette or I'll head slap you."

Mike grumbled and handed her one. He even lit it for her, and Jenny happily blew out the smoke. She had taken up smoking as a teenager, desperate to try and rebel against her mother. She'd given it up when she had returned to her father, but still remembered the motions and how good the nicotine felt. But after her second puff, her lungs started to reject the smoke.

He handed her a glass of water and she smiled at his kindness. "Probie decided you needed to have a better security detail after they realised you didn't try and off yourself."

Jenny leaned back against her pillows, still holding the cigarette. "Jethro thinks that I didn't do this to myself? He couldn't have realised that a few hours ago before he chewed me out?" Jenny grimaced.

Mike shrugged, and reached over to finish her cigarette. "Probie loves you, and wants you safe. That's all I know."

"Yeah, right. There's no chance for us anymore, our argument pretty much put paid to that."

Mike nodded, and moved over to the window. He opened it up and dropped the two cigarette butts out of it, before lighting up another. Jenny opened her hand up but Mike decided to head slap her instead.

"You know, I've never been a fan of yours."

Jenny rolled her eyes. "I know, I know. Woman Director and all that bullshit. Well don't worry; Leon Vance will be more than willing to jump in my office once I'm cold and dead in the ground."

Mike reached over to head slap her again, but Jenny shifted out of his way as quick as she could. She still caught her side on the sheets and ended up gripping them in pain. She was a wreck of her former self. Mike sat on the side of her bed, looking at her with pity. She hated seeing that look.

"I hated you because of what you did to Jethro. While he was in Mexico, I had to listen to everything you two did together as partners. Every word out of that boy's mouth was to do with you. How pretty you were, how much he cared about you, how he wished you felt the same…you think he came back to NCIS for the dazzling pay cheque? He came back for you."

Jenny bowed her head, looking anywhere other than at Mike. "I guess I wasted another chance with him. I'm always wasting my chances with him. Always running away when I should be jumping him."

Mike snorted, and brought out his bottle to give her a top up. "If you weren't dying, what would you be doing?"

Jenny thought it over. "I'd be in my office, probably yelling at Jethro. Maybe going on a date with some handsome rich boy who I don't care about but will make Jethro jealous." She looked down at her clasped hands, at her bandaged wrists. "I wouldn't be telling him I loved him, I'd be waiting for him to make the first move, to give me some indication that he wants me back."

"Did you ever think, Jenny, that he was waiting for you to make the first move? That after you left him in France, he wanted to make sure that you still wanted him?"

She sighed, resting her head against the pillows. "We're both idiots."

Mike grinned. "Yeah, you are. But the good thing is that I hear from a certain forensic scientist that you have options. That you don't have to sit around and murmur about all the things you haven't done. Just need to get off that pretty little ass of yours and want it bad enough."

Jenny smiled, taking a sip of her drink and wondered when she had lost sight of that.

X

Julian Thomas was a creepy looking doctor who specialised in degenerative diseases. At his last three hospitals, several of his patients had killed themselves. Now he was at Bethesda, and three of his patients, including Jason Link, had followed suit. And Jenny, _his _Jenny, had had her wrists sliced open by the monster standing in front of the interview room glass.

"You sure you're up for this, boss?" Tony asked, standing next to him.

Gibbs looked at the man behind the glass, watching him shiver. Damn right he should shiver, he was going to rip him apart for what he had done to Jenny, both physically and mentally.

"I'll be fine, DiNozzo. You and David wait here; me and McGee are going in."

Tim nodded at Tony before he followed Gibbs through into the interview room. Ziva moved from the back of the room and turned to the glass. She rested her head against it, another tear slipping down her face. Tony reached for her hand, and she let him hold it, needing the comfort that her partner could give her.

"Does he realise that this won't save Jenny?" Ziva asked in the silent room, the only sound being the whir of machines.

Tony nodded. "I think he's looking for something to do. This guy hurt Jenny; it's a way that he can truly express his displeasure at her getting injured. And it's a way he can apologise for chewing her out the way he did."

There was a knock at the door, and Will and Stan came in. Tony and Ziva moved apart so the former colleagues of Jenny and Jethro could watch the interrogation. Stan put an arm around Ziva again, and Will put his hand on Tony's shoulder. They all needed to support each other.

Inside the interrogation room, Jethro sat opposite Doctor Thomas and glared at him. McGee consulted Ducky's files and Abby's information, and started pacing around the table behind Thomas. The Doctor started shifting in his seat, growing uncomfortable with the so far silent interrogation. McGee looked into the mirror for a moment, before finally gathering his courage and turning around to begin.

This man wouldn't hurt anyone else.

"Doctor Thomas, do you know what NCIS stands for?"

The man coughed. "I work at Bethesda Naval Hospital. Of course I do."

McGee turned to Jethro and shrugged. "Good. Then you should know that NCIS Agents, very much like Marines and Sailors, don't like it when one of their own gets hurt, or killed." McGee flung the photographs of Jenny Shepard's wrist wounds. "You're aware that the Director of NCIS is one of your patients?"

Thomas coughed again, trying to avoid staring at her wounds. "I didn't treat her, the nurses took care of her wounds and that was it. She had a different Doctor dealing with her illness."

"So you're aware that Director Shepard is dying?" McGee asked with a calmer tone than any one of his colleagues would have exhibited. He was standing between Thomas and Gibbs now.

"Yes, I am. You going to arrest the disease that's killing her next?"

Gibbs stood up, slamming his fists down on the table. His look was murderous, and only a timed cough by McGee forced him down to his seat. Doctor Thomas began to recognise him, and he smiled.

"You're the man who violated her DNR order, aren't you? They were talking about you at the nurses' station; you threatened one of the nurses to bring her back. Were you even aware of the choice you were making when you were doing that? The pain you were condemning her to?"

McGee was now standing behind Thomas, with a few files open, reading something. Thomas kept trying to get him in his peripheral vision, but McGee kept moving out the way. Gibbs had never been more proud.

"Is that what you do, Doctor Thomas? Do you help people with degenerative diseases move on to a better place?"

Thomas tried to shift around but McGee moved behind him again. "I believe in euthanasia, yes, but I would never deliberately kill one of my patients! I believe the patient should have that choice. Like Jennifer Shepard had when she signed that DNR order. You want to look at a murderer, I suggest you look at yourself," Thomas directed at Gibbs.

That pushed Gibbs over the edge, and he grabbed the contents of McGee's files and tipped them out in front of Thomas. They were autopsy photographs from every one of his patients who had killed themselves. Thomas looked at them with a paling eye.

"Wha-What is going on here?"

Jethro picked out the photograph of Jason Link. "You remember him? You remember slitting his wrists to 'help' him get rid of the pain? If you'd upped his medication, or maybe stopped his oxygen I'd maybe believe this Angel of Death act. But you - you make me sick. You're not helping people, you're just a monster."

Doctor Thomas looked at the photographs and turned them over. Something was wrong, Jethro could sense it. A real serial killer would look at these photographs like trophies, would relish in this interview. But Thomas looked like his world was ending, that he couldn't believe all his patients had not killed themselves but actually been murdered.

There was a knock on the door, and McGee went to answer it. Abby was standing there, buzzing with some new information. Both men went outside, leaving Thomas alone with the photographs of his victims. Once the door was closed, Gibbs turned to Abby. He _hated _being disturbed in interrogation.

"What is it Abby?" Gibbs growled at her.

She handed him a file. "I checked Doctor Thomas' history. He worked at four hospitals before the four, including Bethesda, that his patients started killing themselves at. But I started to wonder why there weren't any victims at the other four hospitals he'd worked at."

McGee nodded. "Maybe something happened between hospitals four and five that made him think about terminal patients differently."

Abby sighed and pointed Gibbs to half way down the page he was reading. "It's a good theory, but it's not true. I checked through the hospital staff records, to see if there were any matches. Janis Crane is a Nurse on Jenny's ward. She worked with Thomas in his three previous hospitals - apparently they worked so well together he recommended her to work at his new post every time." She swallowed. "She worked at two hospitals before she met Thomas. Hospital one noticed a distinct rise in their terminal patients dying. Hospital two had the same rise, but for the first time had suicides."

Gibbs looked through the pane of glass and watched as Thomas shied away from the photographs. In the file was a photograph of Janis Crane. McGee looked at it. She was the woman who had told them about Jason Link's death. She was the woman who had given Nurse Callie Jenny's file back on that first day at the hospital.

She was the one who was currently taking care of Jenny.

X

When Jenny woke up after a light nap, Mike was gone. Her room smelled of cigarettes, but it was a smell that made her feel less alone in the world. She rubbed her hands over her face just as the door to the hospital room opened, and Nurse Crane came in. She seemed so upbeat, too upbeat for Jenny's liking. People were dying on this ward, she didn't need happy smiles.

"Good Afternoon, Director. Would you like to have dinner in the cafeteria today?" Nurse Crane asked. "Get you out of this room?"

Jenny nodded. She'd like some fresh air, would like to move around a little. "Yes please. Where's Mike gone?"

Nurse Crane smiled again. "Your friend went out to make a telephone call. Nurse Callie went with him, to make sure he didn't burn the place down. Smells like he's done a number in this room!" She helped Jenny into her wheelchair. "Director, you wouldn't happen to know what your Agents want with Doctor Thomas, would you? He went out in handcuffs about an hour ago."

She started pushing them out of Jenny's room and down an empty corridor. Their ward was next to a couple being renovated. Jenny just smiled, happy that Thomas had been arrested. She was safe.

"No idea, I'm sorry."

Jenny kept smiling. Mike was probably off checking to see if Thomas had confessed, but with Jethro handling the interrogation she had no doubt he would. Now she could think on Mike's words, and think about actually getting out of Bethesda. As her thoughts turned to what she'd have at the cafeteria, she missed the banging of the cupboard door as Mike Franks' bound feet continually hit the wood.


End file.
